[ Matthew all but leans into his phone when the screen lights up with Kurt's first text, exhaling softly. Maybe it's selfish, but he's relieved, grateful. Kurt's on his way. And then Matthew gets the last message-- do you want me to call?
He's not sure. He thinks about trying to explain this over the phone, trying to tell Kurt what happened and, well, everything else without actually seeing him. Something like anxiety curls through Matthew's stomach, a very uncharacteristic sensation for him. He doesn't enjoy it, and he doesn't know what to do with it either, except try to pretend it's not there. ]
no its fine see you soon
[ He chews on his lower lip for a second before adding: ] sorry its so late some stuff happened
[Between the displacements, he raises the phone from his side to check each time he reappears, nervously chewing at his lower lip, until he's sure he'll worry the skin into bruising-- possibly even bleeding.
He has a million questions, all of which he is trying to save for when he gets there, but it's hard; he's concerned to the point of impatience and wants to know what happened now. At least Matthew returning his texts is a decent distraction from that. Kurt scans over the phone, breathing already labored from the pace of his rapid-fire teleporting.]
okay i'm moving as fast as i can [Backspaced.] see you soon
[He doesn't want to make the unease any worse. The next messages come and he pauses in his journey for a breather and to answer again.] no reason to apologize there's a reason i have my phone on during the night i'd ask what but i can wait
[Because he's almost there; it's only another fifteen minutes and Kurt is outside of the apartment, virtually breathless, but still (somehow) standing. He picks out the window he knows as Matthew's and scales his way up to it with his surface adhesion, wasting no time knocking on the glass to warn the other boy of his arrival.]
[ Matthew still isn't sure how to reply; he can't explain anything any better in text than he could over the phone. "I think I almost died" is not the kind of thing one tells their boyfriend in a text message. So he just waits and tries to sort out his thoughts, something he is still attempting when there's a knock at the window, much sooner than he expected. He throws the blanket off on himself and onto the floor, before scrambling over to quietly slide the window open. ]
Hey, [ he breathes, his voice hushed and relieved and a little shaky. He takes hold of Kurt's arm and helps him inside, looking him up and down with wide eyes. ]
You've never gotten here that fast before.
[ Concern cuts through the tangled mess of Matthew's own problems, and he runs his hand from Kurt's shoulder to elbow, searching for his eyes in the dark room. He's whispering, because as far as he knows Declan is asleep in the other room right now. ]
[Nightcrawler waits impatiently at the window, rapidly drumming the fingers of the same hand he'd knocked with across the curve of his knee. Please, be okay. Please, be okay ... His head lifts at the sound of the panel easing open, a relieved breath also passing his lips when Matthew grasps his arm and aids him through the opening.
He waits until he's in the room then shifts both hands to take hold of his partner's shoulders, digits gingerly squeezing, as if trying to solidify the fact that yes, Matthew's here and he's okay.]
I know. I may have, uhm ... [Well, there's no reason to explain exactly what he'd done, right? Kurt's winded, lightheaded and frazzled, but he hadn't exhausted himself to the point of unconsciousness. Everything is fine.]
Nevermind. I'm fine, just a little out of breath, that's all.
[Not completely brushing off the concern, but it's the only acknowledgement he offers about his current state of being; he's entirely too focused on Matthew to worry about himself right now. The effortless slide from shoulder to elbow is enough to ease some of his apprehension, one of his own hands reaching up to cup the side of the blond's face, the pad of his thumb rubbing across his cheek.]
I ... I thought ... [he trails off, unable to finish what he'd started.]
[ Matthew places his own hand over Kurt's, closing his eyes and pressing his cheek into Kurt's palm, wordlessly reassuring and seeking reassurance at the same time. It's often been so easy for him to cast off complicated feelings, but right now emotion threatens to overwhelm him; he still barely knows what to say, and feels like he's teetering on the edge of something unbearable. He wishes they could just lie down and fall asleep without a word, but that's not going to fly and it wouldn't be very fair, either. ]
It-- it was bad, [ he admits finally, swallowing. ] Come on, here, [ he adds hastily, before Kurt can say anything, taking the other boy's hand away and giving him a gentle tug, back towards the bed so they can both at least sit down. Kurt looks like he needs to sit down. ]
I still don't really know-- [ Matthew shakes his curly head, folding his legs up under himself on the mattress, squeezing Kurt's hand. ] Something came after Ronan, and-- and me too. He's okay, I'm okay. I mean, it stopped, whatever it was.
[ A demon, that's what Matthew heard, when Ronan called Declan back after it was over. He only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, still only has a half-painted picture of what even happened and how it ended. It's a fearful picture. ]
[Another heavy sigh, though he increases the firmness of his hand and leans to bump his forehead against Matthew's, hoping that it's enough to reassure him that everything is alright. Seeing the other like this, the fact that he's absolutely distressed about something makes his stomach churn with nausea and maybe it's also part of how quickly he'd moved to get here, but he doesn't have enough energy to think about himself yet.
He isn't given much of a chance to respond before Matthew leads the both of them over to the bed, and Kurt sits without much complaint, one leg tucked beneath himself and the other planted on the floor to keep him stable as he faces his boyfriend.]
Something came after you two? [His own fingers tighten when Matthew squeezes the hand he's holding, frantic ruby-tinted irises flicking down to them. He chews the inside of his cheek, adjusts the positioning of his hand so he can slide the first digit between the space of Matthew's middle and ring finger, the other one resting on the outside of the blond's pinkie and his thumb dusting over his index knuckle.] What stopped it?
[He brings his gaze back up to meet Matthew's, his heart still hammering, despite the fact they are sitting down now. It's not something he wants to think about, but it should probably be addressed:] And what's keeping it from suddenly reappearing?
[ Matthew looks down at their hands, fingers folded together in a way that is so unique to them, a way that made him laugh with its strangeness at first but grew to be something entirely familiar, comforting. He traces his own thumb along Kurt's, trying to absorb some of that comfort now. ]
I don't know, [ he admits, breathing out the words, scooting closer to Kurt until their knees bump together. ] I don't know, but it's over now.
[ He can't explain how, but there was such finality in the moment he felt the demon release him. ]
I could-- [ Getting the words out is a bit of a struggle at first, forcing him to relieve the experience in little bits and pieces. But as he keeps talking, the explanation comes faster and faster. ] I could hear it, in my head, and then it just let me go and disappeared. I think it died, I don't know how.
[ He wants to lean over, plant his forehead on Kurt's shoulder, but something holds him back. ]
It kept saying it was going to unmake us. Me, and Ronan, and-- [ A sharp intake of breath cuts off whatever he was going to say next, a breath he holds in his chest for a beat before continuing. ] --everything else.
[ Not everything, no. Just Ronan's dream things. Oh god, how can he even say it? How can he tell Kurt he's not who he thought he was, what he thought he was? ]
[He's not sure if it's helping at all, but he wants Matthew to know that he's here and he's not going to leave anytime soon. The glide of a thumb across his own makes him peek down, the edges of his lips lifting ever so slightly, although it doesn't last long.]
It's okay, [murmurs the blue boy, squeezing Matthew's hand and leaning to momentarily nudge their foreheads together,] I'm here now.
[What happened is far from okay; he isn't pleased, but what can he really do about it now?]
Take your time. [Since they have plenty of it. Kurt's gaze never leaves Matthew's face, intent on making sure he gets every detail of what had happened to him and Ronan.
And just like that, there's a flare of anger beneath his calm demeanor, the crimson of his eyes intensifying at the burning in his chest. Something had tried to unmake them? He's not entirely sure what that means and he wants to ask, yet he doesn't want the trauma to effect Matthew more than it already has.
He stares, long and hard at the male in front of him, then reaches with his free hand to cup the nape of Matthew's neck, drawing him in and urging Matthew to rest on his shoulder. The only thing he can offer for the moment is more reassurance.]
I'm here, [he whispers, propping the side of his head against Matthew's before repeating,] I'm here.
[ Matthew leans into the forehead touch for as long as it lasts; the contact is like a sip of hot chocolate, warming him briefly from the inside.
The reassurances are calming and distressing at once, because of that other thing, and when the other boy draws him closer Matthew gives a faint shudder and immediately wraps his free arm around Kurt's back, curling his fingers in the fabric of the mutant's hoodie, clutching his hand tightly, pressing towards him. As Matthew leans on his boyfriend the exhaustion of the evening catches up to him all at once, and again he finds himself wishing they could simply curl up and fall asleep, leave every frightening or uncomfortable part of this day behind.
But that's impossible. If Matthew doesn't say something now, right now, then he might not ever, and not saying anything would be a lie. Or at the least a secret, when he's never had any secrets from Kurt, never felt the need to measure his words around him. In spite of that, or maybe because of that, he still needs a long minute to work up his courage. ]
There's something else. It's-- [ He turns his head slightly, so the words come out warm against Kurt's neck. ] It's kind of weird.
[Again, the slightest hint of a smile dances across his features and fades shortly thereafter, giving way to a more concerned look; Matthew had shivered. Was it because he was cold or did the subject bother him this badly?
Either way, Kurt settles his arm on Matthew's shoulder then dips the hand between his shoulder blades, rubbing small circles between them and a little ways down his spine, hoping to ease the anxiety his companion is still holding. The way Matthew clings to his jacket like a lifeline and presses closer is even more disheartening, but he inhales deep, steels himself to be the support that the other boy needs right now.
He shivers this time when Matthew's breath tickles his neck, that comment earning a soft chuckle.] Honestly, Matthew.
[Peering down from his peripheral, Kurt blinks and cants his head, the heat of his lips meeting Matthew's cheek then moving up to his temple. Whatever it is that needs to be said is obviously more complicated than he'd assumed before and regardless of how long it may take, he'll wait patiently for the answer.] Look at the world we live in. Define 'normal' in this day and age when some many peculiar beings walk the Earth.
[ Matthew closes his eyes again, indulging in the comfort, the familiar feel of Kurt's lips on his temple. He's so-- well, in love is a huge, bold statement to make, and while Matthew's affection is boundless, he's a very simple boy who's only ever known for sure that he loves his family.
But he is so attached to Kurt, so tremendously fond of him, as a friend and more. They've been through a lot in the last couple years, grown very close, and Matthew recoils at the very thought of losing him. Is it true? Is the world already weird enough that being a dream isn't that weird?
Maybe. It could be. He hopes so. ]
Yeah, I guess that's hard to do, [ he agrees, the corners of his mouth turning up a little. His hand leaves Kurt's back and he reaches up without moving his head from Kurt's shoulder, stroking his fingers once through blue-streaked hair, pushing it away from Kurt's face. When he speaks up again, his voice is once again more subdued. ]
This thing tonight, it was after Ronan. It was trying to get rid of him. [ Holding his breath. ] And all his dreams.
[ Please don't think it's weird, please don't think it's weird. Matthew could stop there and maybe Kurt would figure it out, but he's unused to this anxiety, and more words come tripping and stumbling their way out of his mouth, his hand falling back to Kurt's arm and clutching slightly at the sleeve of his hoodie. ]
[The only 'love' that Kurt's ever known has been from his family. He's never had a chance to be close to someone like Matthew and admittedly, the way he feels when the two of them are together doesn't feel the same as when he visits his mother and siblings.
That's not to say his fondness for the other boy is lessened at all, just that it feels different in some way. He gets excited at the idea of talking to and seeing Matthew, no matter what time of day it is. Right now, they've met on terms that are not so ideal, but sitting here, holding Matthew tightly, like he's the only thing keeping the blond together feels ... right.]
As long as people like Ronan and I exist, 'normal' will never be a word that matters. [Even without mutants, humans were always striving to be diverse, one wanting to stand out more than the other for some reason. He goes to add something more to that statement, hesitates then releases a soft sigh when Matthew's fingers briefly thread through his bangs and brush the strands from his line of sight. It could be him overthinking things, but it's almost as if his friend wants to see more of his face and that fills him with an indescribable warmth that has nothing to do with his flushed cheeks.
At least Matthew won't be able to see with his face hidden.]
Get rid of-- [he falls silent at the revelation, blinking once, twice - both very deliberate motions.
Weird isn't the first thought that comes to mind, although he does shift their positions, his free hand coming up to grip Matthew's shoulder. His thumb rubs soothing circles over the curve, the pad of his digits applying the lightest pressure by kneading over his shoulder blade while he gives the hand in his own another reassuring squeeze.] You are ... one of Ronan's dreams?
[He's surprised, yes, but not put off in the least. In all honesty, he's far more curious about how Ronan has the ability to dream people to life.] Matthew, were you afraid of how I was going to react?
[ When the realization hits Kurt, the uncomfortable nervousness in Matthew's stomach reaches its peak, and then drops again at the reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. ]
I was-- I don't know. [ A pause. ] Kind of, [ he admits, sheepishly, pressing his face into Kurt's shoulder again. Kurt and Ronan may be mutants, but Matthew was never even born. And if something were to happen to Ronan, then Matthew's future... No, he doesn't want to think about that.
It's not a question he wants to ask, but Matthew realizes he may not even be human. Does Kurt understand? ]
It's just--
[ He stops suddenly and goes very still when light appears through the crack under his door; Declan must be awake. Maybe, Matthew realizes, he never even fell asleep; after the events of the night, it would make sense for his insomnia to be plaguing him full-force.
Matthew gives Kurt's elbow a gentle squeeze, silently attempting to communicate the need for quiet but not that he needs to leave. Declan's footsteps pause outside Matthew's door for a long moment, and it wouldn't be the worst thing if he were to open the door and find them. Their relationship isn't a secret, at least not on Matthew's end.
But Declan doesn't knock, and he doesn't open the door, and his footsteps fade out in the direction of the kitchen shortly after. ]
Sorry, [ Matthew says softly. And then-- ] I forgot what I was saying.
[As soon as Matthew retreats back into his shoulder, the demon boy's eyes broaden with surprise, but he's unable to keep back the soft laughter that follows.]
Matthew, listen, I could never--
[Kurt catches sight of the thin beam of light from underneath the door and falls completely silent, adjusting the placement of his arms so both of them are draped around Matthew's shoulders, fingers laced together at the middle of his back. He holds his breath at the sound of Declan's approach, frantic iridescent eyes focused entirely on the door for what seems like far too long.
There's a pressure at his elbow and he glances down to where Matthew's hand is, wincing his eyes shut and burying his face into those blond curls he's come to love. Time seems to tick by at an agonizingly slow pace before Declan's retreating footsteps are heard heading for the kitchen instead.
He breathes a sigh of relief then lifts his head, trying to meet the other teen's eyes again.] I ...
[How embarrassing. It would seem Matthew's not the only one that's forgotten, but to be honest, he's not torn up about it. Kurt offers a shrug, followed soon after by a fleeting little smile.] It's okay, [he assures, chewing the inside of his cheek in thought.] Ah, you were saying something about your brother, Ronan. His dreams.
[Before they decide to delve too deeply into that topic, he wants to know:] Uhm, do you want me to stay here tonight? I've already talked to my roomate and he said he had no problem covering for me if someone happened to notice that I'm missing. I can call my headmaster in the morning to let him know of my whereabouts and explain the situation.
[ Oh right, Ronan's dreams. Matthew doesn't want to have to explain the connection between a dreamer and their dream, what happens when the latter is cut off from the former. It feels like too much to drag out right away.
Right now, Kurt is offering to stay; he doesn't seem to even care what Matthew is. It's a relief, really. Matthew just wants to hold on to him. But-- ]
Only if you're sure you won't get in trouble, [ he insists, finally drawing back somewhat and sitting up straighter so that he can see Kurt's face, or what can be seen in the dark room. ] I don't really want to be alone...
[ His eyes cut away for just a second at the admission, and then back, and then in a burst of wordless affection he smooths the hair away from Kurt's face again and presses a kiss to his cheek. ]
[When Matthew doesn't answer right away, Kurt wonders if he should have mentioned anything about their earlier conversation at all. He hadn't meant to distress the younger teen any further, but it felt necessary to get them back on track at that moment.
Regret floods through him, although Matthew speaks and he sighs in relief, glad that he'd avoided upsetting him more.
Despite how dark it is, Kurt's eyes are enhanced for this sort of thing; his night-vision allows him to make Matthew out with ease and fleetingly, he ponders the idea of getting a lamp for his room. He'd be able to have it on without disturbing his brother(s) and the image of his friend, golden curls alight by the dimmed glow radiating out from behind him makes the blue boy smile, leaving him totally off guard for when Matthew brushes aside two-toned strands to kiss his cheek.
He blinks and somehow, the skin beneath the dream boy's lips heats even more, indigo splashing across the entirety of his face - from hairline to collarbone and up to the points of his ears. A contented warmth settles in his chest, his free hand reaching to gently rest at Matthew's shoulder again while he cranes his neck to return the gesture as a peck to the corner of his other half's mouth.] I-I'm sure. I won't get into trouble and I certainly don't plan on leaving you alone right now.
[ Matthew lets out a soft laugh, barely more than a breath with happiness behind it. The kiss and Kurt's promise to stay are both bright little things that shine more warmly in the darkness than any lamp could, at least Matthew feels that way. It's safe here, right now, with this boy who won't leave him and who doesn't mind that he was never born. ]
Thanks, [ he whispers, touching his forehead briefly to his boyfriend's, who's face is giving off enough heat that he seems downright feverish. Matthew can't see the blush but he can picture it in his mind, and the mental image tugs a smile from his lips. Now, with it being settled that Kurt's going to spend the night, Matthew decides it's time for them to get settled too. He reaches around Kurt to grab the corner of his comforter, which he'd kicked to the end of the bed, and then drags the fluffy blanket back up the bed and right over Kurt's head with a playfulness that is far more characteristic of Matthew than any of his other behavior tonight. It's also a pretty clear indicator that he wants the other boy to stay in his bed, for sleep and perhaps some comforting cuddles. ]
[At this point, Matthew's forehead against his own and all the mutual feelings they're sharing are totally worth whatever Charles might punish him with. Well, to be fair, if it has anything to do with forbidding him from coming to visit, a couple of problems might arise there. He's ninety-nine percent positive that it won't have anything to do with that, especially once he explains the situation. (Some details omitted, though, for Matthew's sake.)]
You're welcome. [His eyes sink shut, another breath of contentment passing between them. Bowing in the mattress causes Kurt to reopen his eyes, blinking with curiosity before his vision is suddenly obscured by the draping of a blanket over his head.] Ach! [he exclaims, wiggling both arms free so he can reach to encircle Matthew's middle and try to bring them down. And yes, while he's still covered with the comforter-- like a bad ghost costume.]
[ Matthew hasn't forgotten that they need to be quiet so Declan doesn't hear them, but he can't hold back a wave of hushed giggles, which he tries to muffle against the top of Kurt's comforter-covered head. His attempts to shush the other boy are rather ruined by said giggling, but he tries anyway, holding him close and flopping down onto the pillows.
Ghost Kurt is funny but Matthew fumbles again for the edge of the blanket, trying to unwrap the other boy just enough that he can pull the comforter over himself too. ]
[That might have slipped Kurt's mind momentarily, but as soon as Matthew hushes him, he's quick to quiet back down. He hasn't ever witnessed an angry Declan before and he isn't too keen on founding out what it's like, especially now that they've gotten past the more upsetting part of their meetup.
Once Matthew effectively tumbles them onto the pillows and shifts the comforter to cover himself, he pokes his head up from beneath the blanket, fangs gleaming exuberantly as he burrows in next to the golden-haired boy, arms adjusting so one can tuck beneath his head and the other can remain draped across his companion's middle.] I'm really happy you're okay, Matthew.
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houseofsushi2017-03-26 06:56 pm
no subject
He's not sure. He thinks about trying to explain this over the phone, trying to tell Kurt what happened and, well, everything else without actually seeing him. Something like anxiety curls through Matthew's stomach, a very uncharacteristic sensation for him. He doesn't enjoy it, and he doesn't know what to do with it either, except try to pretend it's not there. ]
no its fine
see you soon
[ He chews on his lower lip for a second before adding: ] sorry its so late
some stuff happened
no subject
He has a million questions, all of which he is trying to save for when he gets there, but it's hard; he's concerned to the point of impatience and wants to know what happened now. At least Matthew returning his texts is a decent distraction from that. Kurt scans over the phone, breathing already labored from the pace of his rapid-fire teleporting.]
okay
i'm moving as fast as i can[Backspaced.]see you soon
[He doesn't want to make the unease any worse. The next messages come and he pauses in his journey for a breather and to answer again.] no reason to apologize
there's a reason i have my phone on during the night
i'd ask what but i can wait
[Because he's almost there; it's only another fifteen minutes and Kurt is outside of the apartment, virtually breathless, but still (somehow) standing. He picks out the window he knows as Matthew's and scales his way up to it with his surface adhesion, wasting no time knocking on the glass to warn the other boy of his arrival.]
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Hey, [ he breathes, his voice hushed and relieved and a little shaky. He takes hold of Kurt's arm and helps him inside, looking him up and down with wide eyes. ]
You've never gotten here that fast before.
[ Concern cuts through the tangled mess of Matthew's own problems, and he runs his hand from Kurt's shoulder to elbow, searching for his eyes in the dark room. He's whispering, because as far as he knows Declan is asleep in the other room right now. ]
Are you okay?
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He waits until he's in the room then shifts both hands to take hold of his partner's shoulders, digits gingerly squeezing, as if trying to solidify the fact that yes, Matthew's here and he's okay.]
I know. I may have, uhm ... [Well, there's no reason to explain exactly what he'd done, right? Kurt's winded, lightheaded and frazzled, but he hadn't exhausted himself to the point of unconsciousness. Everything is fine.]
Nevermind. I'm fine, just a little out of breath, that's all.
[Not completely brushing off the concern, but it's the only acknowledgement he offers about his current state of being; he's entirely too focused on Matthew to worry about himself right now. The effortless slide from shoulder to elbow is enough to ease some of his apprehension, one of his own hands reaching up to cup the side of the blond's face, the pad of his thumb rubbing across his cheek.]
I ... I thought ... [he trails off, unable to finish what he'd started.]
no subject
It-- it was bad, [ he admits finally, swallowing. ] Come on, here, [ he adds hastily, before Kurt can say anything, taking the other boy's hand away and giving him a gentle tug, back towards the bed so they can both at least sit down. Kurt looks like he needs to sit down. ]
I still don't really know-- [ Matthew shakes his curly head, folding his legs up under himself on the mattress, squeezing Kurt's hand. ] Something came after Ronan, and-- and me too. He's okay, I'm okay. I mean, it stopped, whatever it was.
[ A demon, that's what Matthew heard, when Ronan called Declan back after it was over. He only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, still only has a half-painted picture of what even happened and how it ended. It's a fearful picture. ]
no subject
He isn't given much of a chance to respond before Matthew leads the both of them over to the bed, and Kurt sits without much complaint, one leg tucked beneath himself and the other planted on the floor to keep him stable as he faces his boyfriend.]
Something came after you two? [His own fingers tighten when Matthew squeezes the hand he's holding, frantic ruby-tinted irises flicking down to them. He chews the inside of his cheek, adjusts the positioning of his hand so he can slide the first digit between the space of Matthew's middle and ring finger, the other one resting on the outside of the blond's pinkie and his thumb dusting over his index knuckle.] What stopped it?
[He brings his gaze back up to meet Matthew's, his heart still hammering, despite the fact they are sitting down now. It's not something he wants to think about, but it should probably be addressed:] And what's keeping it from suddenly reappearing?
no subject
I don't know, [ he admits, breathing out the words, scooting closer to Kurt until their knees bump together. ] I don't know, but it's over now.
[ He can't explain how, but there was such finality in the moment he felt the demon release him. ]
I could-- [ Getting the words out is a bit of a struggle at first, forcing him to relieve the experience in little bits and pieces. But as he keeps talking, the explanation comes faster and faster. ] I could hear it, in my head, and then it just let me go and disappeared. I think it died, I don't know how.
[ He wants to lean over, plant his forehead on Kurt's shoulder, but something holds him back. ]
It kept saying it was going to unmake us. Me, and Ronan, and-- [ A sharp intake of breath cuts off whatever he was going to say next, a breath he holds in his chest for a beat before continuing. ] --everything else.
[ Not everything, no. Just Ronan's dream things. Oh god, how can he even say it? How can he tell Kurt he's not who he thought he was, what he thought he was? ]
no subject
It's okay, [murmurs the blue boy, squeezing Matthew's hand and leaning to momentarily nudge their foreheads together,] I'm here now.
[What happened is far from okay; he isn't pleased, but what can he really do about it now?]
Take your time. [Since they have plenty of it. Kurt's gaze never leaves Matthew's face, intent on making sure he gets every detail of what had happened to him and Ronan.
And just like that, there's a flare of anger beneath his calm demeanor, the crimson of his eyes intensifying at the burning in his chest. Something had tried to unmake them? He's not entirely sure what that means and he wants to ask, yet he doesn't want the trauma to effect Matthew more than it already has.
He stares, long and hard at the male in front of him, then reaches with his free hand to cup the nape of Matthew's neck, drawing him in and urging Matthew to rest on his shoulder. The only thing he can offer for the moment is more reassurance.]
I'm here, [he whispers, propping the side of his head against Matthew's before repeating,] I'm here.
no subject
The reassurances are calming and distressing at once, because of that other thing, and when the other boy draws him closer Matthew gives a faint shudder and immediately wraps his free arm around Kurt's back, curling his fingers in the fabric of the mutant's hoodie, clutching his hand tightly, pressing towards him. As Matthew leans on his boyfriend the exhaustion of the evening catches up to him all at once, and again he finds himself wishing they could simply curl up and fall asleep, leave every frightening or uncomfortable part of this day behind.
But that's impossible. If Matthew doesn't say something now, right now, then he might not ever, and not saying anything would be a lie. Or at the least a secret, when he's never had any secrets from Kurt, never felt the need to measure his words around him. In spite of that, or maybe because of that, he still needs a long minute to work up his courage. ]
There's something else. It's-- [ He turns his head slightly, so the words come out warm against Kurt's neck. ] It's kind of weird.
no subject
Either way, Kurt settles his arm on Matthew's shoulder then dips the hand between his shoulder blades, rubbing small circles between them and a little ways down his spine, hoping to ease the anxiety his companion is still holding. The way Matthew clings to his jacket like a lifeline and presses closer is even more disheartening, but he inhales deep, steels himself to be the support that the other boy needs right now.
He shivers this time when Matthew's breath tickles his neck, that comment earning a soft chuckle.] Honestly, Matthew.
[Peering down from his peripheral, Kurt blinks and cants his head, the heat of his lips meeting Matthew's cheek then moving up to his temple. Whatever it is that needs to be said is obviously more complicated than he'd assumed before and regardless of how long it may take, he'll wait patiently for the answer.] Look at the world we live in. Define 'normal' in this day and age when some many peculiar beings walk the Earth.
no subject
But he is so attached to Kurt, so tremendously fond of him, as a friend and more. They've been through a lot in the last couple years, grown very close, and Matthew recoils at the very thought of losing him. Is it true? Is the world already weird enough that being a dream isn't that weird?
Maybe. It could be. He hopes so. ]
Yeah, I guess that's hard to do, [ he agrees, the corners of his mouth turning up a little. His hand leaves Kurt's back and he reaches up without moving his head from Kurt's shoulder, stroking his fingers once through blue-streaked hair, pushing it away from Kurt's face. When he speaks up again, his voice is once again more subdued. ]
This thing tonight, it was after Ronan. It was trying to get rid of him. [ Holding his breath. ] And all his dreams.
[ Please don't think it's weird, please don't think it's weird. Matthew could stop there and maybe Kurt would figure it out, but he's unused to this anxiety, and more words come tripping and stumbling their way out of his mouth, his hand falling back to Kurt's arm and clutching slightly at the sleeve of his hoodie. ]
So I guess, I mean, the second part-- that's me.
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That's not to say his fondness for the other boy is lessened at all, just that it feels different in some way. He gets excited at the idea of talking to and seeing Matthew, no matter what time of day it is. Right now, they've met on terms that are not so ideal, but sitting here, holding Matthew tightly, like he's the only thing keeping the blond together feels ... right.]
As long as people like Ronan and I exist, 'normal' will never be a word that matters. [Even without mutants, humans were always striving to be diverse, one wanting to stand out more than the other for some reason. He goes to add something more to that statement, hesitates then releases a soft sigh when Matthew's fingers briefly thread through his bangs and brush the strands from his line of sight. It could be him overthinking things, but it's almost as if his friend wants to see more of his face and that fills him with an indescribable warmth that has nothing to do with his flushed cheeks.
At least Matthew won't be able to see with his face hidden.]
Get rid of-- [he falls silent at the revelation, blinking once, twice - both very deliberate motions.
Weird isn't the first thought that comes to mind, although he does shift their positions, his free hand coming up to grip Matthew's shoulder. His thumb rubs soothing circles over the curve, the pad of his digits applying the lightest pressure by kneading over his shoulder blade while he gives the hand in his own another reassuring squeeze.] You are ... one of Ronan's dreams?
[He's surprised, yes, but not put off in the least. In all honesty, he's far more curious about how Ronan has the ability to dream people to life.] Matthew, were you afraid of how I was going to react?
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I was-- I don't know. [ A pause. ] Kind of, [ he admits, sheepishly, pressing his face into Kurt's shoulder again. Kurt and Ronan may be mutants, but Matthew was never even born. And if something were to happen to Ronan, then Matthew's future... No, he doesn't want to think about that.
It's not a question he wants to ask, but Matthew realizes he may not even be human. Does Kurt understand? ]
It's just--
[ He stops suddenly and goes very still when light appears through the crack under his door; Declan must be awake. Maybe, Matthew realizes, he never even fell asleep; after the events of the night, it would make sense for his insomnia to be plaguing him full-force.
Matthew gives Kurt's elbow a gentle squeeze, silently attempting to communicate the need for quiet but not that he needs to leave. Declan's footsteps pause outside Matthew's door for a long moment, and it wouldn't be the worst thing if he were to open the door and find them. Their relationship isn't a secret, at least not on Matthew's end.
But Declan doesn't knock, and he doesn't open the door, and his footsteps fade out in the direction of the kitchen shortly after. ]
Sorry, [ Matthew says softly. And then-- ] I forgot what I was saying.
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Matthew, listen, I could never--
[Kurt catches sight of the thin beam of light from underneath the door and falls completely silent, adjusting the placement of his arms so both of them are draped around Matthew's shoulders, fingers laced together at the middle of his back. He holds his breath at the sound of Declan's approach, frantic iridescent eyes focused entirely on the door for what seems like far too long.
There's a pressure at his elbow and he glances down to where Matthew's hand is, wincing his eyes shut and burying his face into those blond curls he's come to love. Time seems to tick by at an agonizingly slow pace before Declan's retreating footsteps are heard heading for the kitchen instead.
He breathes a sigh of relief then lifts his head, trying to meet the other teen's eyes again.] I ...
[How embarrassing. It would seem Matthew's not the only one that's forgotten, but to be honest, he's not torn up about it. Kurt offers a shrug, followed soon after by a fleeting little smile.] It's okay, [he assures, chewing the inside of his cheek in thought.] Ah, you were saying something about your brother, Ronan. His dreams.
[Before they decide to delve too deeply into that topic, he wants to know:] Uhm, do you want me to stay here tonight? I've already talked to my roomate and he said he had no problem covering for me if someone happened to notice that I'm missing. I can call my headmaster in the morning to let him know of my whereabouts and explain the situation.
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Right now, Kurt is offering to stay; he doesn't seem to even care what Matthew is. It's a relief, really. Matthew just wants to hold on to him. But-- ]
Only if you're sure you won't get in trouble, [ he insists, finally drawing back somewhat and sitting up straighter so that he can see Kurt's face, or what can be seen in the dark room. ] I don't really want to be alone...
[ His eyes cut away for just a second at the admission, and then back, and then in a burst of wordless affection he smooths the hair away from Kurt's face again and presses a kiss to his cheek. ]
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Regret floods through him, although Matthew speaks and he sighs in relief, glad that he'd avoided upsetting him more.
Despite how dark it is, Kurt's eyes are enhanced for this sort of thing; his night-vision allows him to make Matthew out with ease and fleetingly, he ponders the idea of getting a lamp for his room. He'd be able to have it on without disturbing his brother(s) and the image of his friend, golden curls alight by the dimmed glow radiating out from behind him makes the blue boy smile, leaving him totally off guard for when Matthew brushes aside two-toned strands to kiss his cheek.
He blinks and somehow, the skin beneath the dream boy's lips heats even more, indigo splashing across the entirety of his face - from hairline to collarbone and up to the points of his ears. A contented warmth settles in his chest, his free hand reaching to gently rest at Matthew's shoulder again while he cranes his neck to return the gesture as a peck to the corner of his other half's mouth.] I-I'm sure. I won't get into trouble and I certainly don't plan on leaving you alone right now.
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Thanks, [ he whispers, touching his forehead briefly to his boyfriend's, who's face is giving off enough heat that he seems downright feverish. Matthew can't see the blush but he can picture it in his mind, and the mental image tugs a smile from his lips. Now, with it being settled that Kurt's going to spend the night, Matthew decides it's time for them to get settled too. He reaches around Kurt to grab the corner of his comforter, which he'd kicked to the end of the bed, and then drags the fluffy blanket back up the bed and right over Kurt's head with a playfulness that is far more characteristic of Matthew than any of his other behavior tonight. It's also a pretty clear indicator that he wants the other boy to stay in his bed, for sleep and perhaps some comforting cuddles. ]
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You're welcome. [His eyes sink shut, another breath of contentment passing between them. Bowing in the mattress causes Kurt to reopen his eyes, blinking with curiosity before his vision is suddenly obscured by the draping of a blanket over his head.] Ach! [he exclaims, wiggling both arms free so he can reach to encircle Matthew's middle and try to bring them down. And yes, while he's still covered with the comforter-- like a bad ghost costume.]
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Ghost Kurt is funny but Matthew fumbles again for the edge of the blanket, trying to unwrap the other boy just enough that he can pull the comforter over himself too. ]
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Once Matthew effectively tumbles them onto the pillows and shifts the comforter to cover himself, he pokes his head up from beneath the blanket, fangs gleaming exuberantly as he burrows in next to the golden-haired boy, arms adjusting so one can tuck beneath his head and the other can remain draped across his companion's middle.] I'm really happy you're okay, Matthew.