[ he'd like to think he at least has that kind of control, can at least dissuade people from spreading misinformation before it gets out of hand. does he want it to get out of hand? with Sizhui, not the rumors. he mentally smacks himself the moment that thought even enters his mind because what the fuck Jin Ling you can't just think like this about your best friend. it's...
yeah, what is it? the more he thinks about it, the more he feels that coiling, crawling feeling in his chest tighten and it's almost physically painful. he's not sure he likes it at the moment, because his anxiety hasn't spiked like this in quite a while, with his heart thumping loudly against his ribcage.
and then Sizhui, calm and collected Sizhui tugs Jin Ling's hand to cradle it on his chest and it takes a lot of Jin Ling's effort to swallow his arguments. this isn't new, Sizhui's figured out his anxiety patterns years earlier, when Jin Ling still wasn't ready to accept the silent gestures of help and care offered his way. it'd been easier over the years, once they grew closer, and Jin Ling had learned not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Sizhui was his friend, and he'd been raised into this perfect example of calm and steady, grounding. but this is a different kind of touch. from an outsider's point of view perfectly proper, a gesture shared between friends.
it's the fact that, even if faint from this angle, Jin Ling can feel the unsteady, quick rhythm of Sizhui's heart, and he frowns in confusion because what was that? ]
Sizhui, what—
[ he quiets the moment Sizhui lists the instructions and he tries to relax, closing his eyes almost stubbornly because that's just how he is. but he tries, tries to ignore the heat he feels through the fabric of Sizhui's robes and when did this become a problem? he slides his free hand to his stomach and does his best attempt at doing what he's told, breath hitching on the first couple of exhales.
for some reason, it's easier than his beating heart would suggest, and he sags his shoulders slightly the more he focuses on the action itself, on Sizhui's chest moving under his hand and his own breath slipping past his lips. ]
no subject
yeah, what is it? the more he thinks about it, the more he feels that coiling, crawling feeling in his chest tighten and it's almost physically painful. he's not sure he likes it at the moment, because his anxiety hasn't spiked like this in quite a while, with his heart thumping loudly against his ribcage.
and then Sizhui, calm and collected Sizhui tugs Jin Ling's hand to cradle it on his chest and it takes a lot of Jin Ling's effort to swallow his arguments. this isn't new, Sizhui's figured out his anxiety patterns years earlier, when Jin Ling still wasn't ready to accept the silent gestures of help and care offered his way. it'd been easier over the years, once they grew closer, and Jin Ling had learned not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Sizhui was his friend, and he'd been raised into this perfect example of calm and steady, grounding. but this is a different kind of touch. from an outsider's point of view perfectly proper, a gesture shared between friends.
it's the fact that, even if faint from this angle, Jin Ling can feel the unsteady, quick rhythm of Sizhui's heart, and he frowns in confusion because what was that? ]
Sizhui, what—
[ he quiets the moment Sizhui lists the instructions and he tries to relax, closing his eyes almost stubbornly because that's just how he is. but he tries, tries to ignore the heat he feels through the fabric of Sizhui's robes and when did this become a problem? he slides his free hand to his stomach and does his best attempt at doing what he's told, breath hitching on the first couple of exhales.
for some reason, it's easier than his beating heart would suggest, and he sags his shoulders slightly the more he focuses on the action itself, on Sizhui's chest moving under his hand and his own breath slipping past his lips. ]