[not only are they holding hands and yes, sizhui's also initiating more intent affection by tracing his thumb over jin ling's first knuckle now, but his other hand has lifted too, reached out and gently settled across his companion's forearm where he squeezes for reassurance.
truly, it has become an oh no, the consequences of my actions! moment and something he hopes offers actual assurance in this moment of realization.]
That's fair and valid, [sizhui admits, despite sounding like there's a ‘but’ coming that never does. if wanting to know what he should call zewu-jun now is something legitimate, he'll have no trouble explaining the intricacies, all the while realizing he's glad it doesn't interfere with what's going on between them.
and although sizhui knows he shouldn't encourage a sect leader pouting, it's hard not to be amused by the gesture, to fight his lips quirking with mirth no matter how hard he bites his tongue. so, rather than do so, he lets his mouth curve, releases jin ling's arm then reaches to cup his cheek, thumb brushing against the apple of it, his fingertips barely hooking just behind his ear and pressing near his neck.] You're right, they could have, but then what privacy would be left? Everyone would crowd them for congratulations and to give gifts and— [well, it sounds like the direct opposite of keeping things on the down-low.]
Mmhmm. [a hushed agreement through his momentary distracted state of holding jin ling's face, attention quickly redirecting from his lips to his eyes once the other male mentions their possible wedding.] Ah... [and sizhui's cheeks darken further, his head briefly inclines, except there isn't any arguing or denying what's been said.] Not yet, [comes in an equally quiet murmur.] But give it time, I am sure someone will find something to criticize.
Which they will eventually any--- anyway. [a whole plethora of different things is happening all at once and jin ling isn't sure where to go with it. sure, he's not the same hot-headed teenager with no friends that spent the months following his da-jiu's resurrection with sizhui.
but this is still jin ling.
he knows he's more his jiu-jiu than anyone, even if it is very mature of him to now think of wei wuxian as his da-jiu. he thinks. right?
he's still blushing and hoping that if he just tries to get his face to do something respectable, sizhui won't feel it under his palm. also, how is it possible that the other's hands are still calloused but soft? that's not fair. really. who allowed that?
jin ling is going to explode or die. maybe both. not in a good way.] Right. Not right now... [he finds his voice, still kinda focused on sizhui's hand on his face. it's so intimate, so close. even if it's totally within their write to be way more intimate than this.] They better not criticize. [and then there's his normal steady tone, a bit of his uncle's threatening edge to it. No one better have anything to say about this, not when the thought of marrying sizhui makes jin ling so happy in a way that twists him in inside.]
Exactly, so maybe it's okay that we let them have whatever time they can get? [and they distract themselves with what free time it allows for moments like these instead. sizhui's heartbeat is jackhammering, he can feel it, and not only that but there's also an intensely warm sensation creeping along down his neck now, a silent reminder his own skin hasn't lessened in color any.
while he's desperately trying to ignore this, he can't help imagining he looks ridiculous, which causes his lips to mirthfully quirk at the edges. here's hoping jin ling doesn't mistake it for him being amused by how he looks, though! he's laughing at himself, not at him, et cetera and so on.
much to jin ling's misfortune, sizhui does feel the warmth, something that makes him smile wider and with a bit more genuineness, even if he draws no specific attention toward the other's blush. (also, his trick is to use whatever tools at his disposal that can soften his hands and keep them that way despite consistent, prolonged swordplay.) poor, poor jin rulan, his life is about to become a hundred times harder because if he thinks just having a hand on his face is a lot, he's certainly not prepared for what's coming next:] We'll give them nothing to criticize, [he assures, and where there's more obvious threat in jin ling's voice, there is an almost unnerving steady coolness to sizhui's words too; reassuring, nevertheless, but promisingly intimidating.
he softens as his hand drifts, fingertips brushing the corner of his boyfriend's mouth then settling near his chin.] Jin Ling, [it's already breathy, yet somehow, sizhui's voice becomes barely a whisper when he blurts out,] I would like to kiss you now.
What? [everything that sizhui says before he runs his fingertips over jin ling's skin is really lost to him.
whatever part of his mind that's responsible for coherent thought chucks itself off the nearest mental cliff, leaving him a bit lost. he knows what the words mean, he does. he wants what those words mean since they haven't really gotten the chance to do anything beyond the most innocent caresses of hands and-- well, jin ling is human.
he's a young, hot blooded man with a very attractive boyfriend. who he is courting and does want to formally court, the proper way.
which is tricky cause they shouldn't be doing this if that's the case.] I mean-- Yes. Yes, do that. Do that now.
[clearly, that's a redundant question, isn't it? (...isn't it?) at least he's hoping so because if he truly has to repeat himself after it already took this much courage to admit the first time, lan sizhui might expire.
they needn't do anything else besides kissing anyhow, since that should for sure be safe enough, given how careful they've been this whole time. he would like to assume, though he's never courted nor been courted before; everything's new, foreign and there are so many things he could do to mess up— it's something that's kept him awake many nights and now, in the moment, he hopes whatever they decide, it'll work out. (also, no couple is ever the exact same, it's up to them what's comfortable and what isn't.)
‘yes,’ jin ling says, disrupting his preoccupied state, leaving him gawking.] Ah... [sizhui's mouth slowly closes, he bites his cheek, then his eyes become half-lidded and following jin ling's ‘do that now,’ he closes what little distance remains between them to press their lips together.]
[kiss is-- well, jin ling actually isn't sure what he expected of kissing. he doesn't really have practice in it and it's not like he could talk to his uncle about these matters.
he'd been too young, to nervous to ask his xiao-- to ask jin guangyao when he'd been alive and who would have told him.
he's not about ask his dai-jiu, now. first of all, because he's pretty sure he'd give awful advice and going to your uncle to ask him about kissing his---no, nope. jin ling doesn't finish that train of thought and focuses on the now, on the feel of sizhui's lips against his own.
he likes this, they way they're a little dry and taste like something he can't place but is distinctly sizhui. jin ling lifts his hand from where it's been awkwardly laying on the table, finds himself cupping the side of sizhui's neck. there's still so much distance between them and that-- well, that's not right.] You're so far away. [he says over the table, spoken against sizhui's lips. there's a hint of petulance there that is a faint reminder of the 'young madam' he once was.]
[whatever he might've anticipated (which isn't much, given his own lack of experience), it wasn't anything like this and it's absolutely nothing like the sloppy drunken cheek-kiss lan jingyi had planted on him one night.
no, this is warm and inviting and all jin ling, made even more welcoming by the faint hint of honey-sweetened tea lingering on sizhui's lips.
and as tempted as he is to poke his tongue out, lick over the line of jin ling's lips, he hesitates for now because this already feels like a lot despite it only being a rather simple liplock. besides, he's somewhat struggling with where to put and keep his hands, something he's hoping isn't too noticeable while they're kissing. these poor boys, their lack of advice will inevitably come back to bite them, but that's the furthest thing from his thoughts. what has lan sizhui pausing and earning jin ling a breathy gasp is when that hand finds his neck, goosebumps prickling his skin once those words come, a little sulky, though not failing to pique his interest.]
So it would seem, [he murmurs, super-duper tempted to tease jin ling further even if his next shift will be more than playful. lowering both hands, they splay on the table between them, holding him steady as he straightens, carefully guides himself onto then effectively over it so he can straddle jin ling's waist instead and hook his arms around his shoulders after he's settled.] How is this? Better, you think? [asked innocently enough with an actual inquiring head-tilt, but alongside his small half-smirk, it isn't looking too sincere.]
jin ling isn't so sure how sizhui is so proper about this. how he's so collected as he says 'so it would seem.' as if they aren't talking about how far he is when they're kissing.
as he he hadn't just climbed over the table.
a part of jin ling that's holding on to reason here cackles and implodes. it's not the part that's in charge, luckily, because that would be the most awful thing and ruin the mood. the mood of lan sizhui in his lap. right there, where jin ling can place his hands on his hips and confirm that he is in fact in his lap.] Yes. [which, okay, thank every immortal and Heavenly being that jin ling's voice does not crack.]
Much better, closer for sure. [closer, really there. jin ling has a sense of entitlement and bravado about a lot of things, and whole this isn't one of them he feels somehow more comfortable with sizhui here and this close.] Now this is better for proper kissing.
[the beat of silence after he's moved into jin ling's lap speaks volumes where words do not; sizhui almost second-guesses himself, but only hesitates because the other male's hands settle on his hips and whatever nervousness he'd been feeling before disappears with that simple gesture.
to tell the truth, he's sort of faking it until he makes it here. his heartbeat has been jackhammering nonstop ever since he'd considered doing what he did and now that he has, he is sincerely hoping jin ling can't hear it being as close as they are, even though he's rather certain that isn't a possibility. nevertheless, his attention darts from his boyfriend's eyes to his lips, to his throat, then he glances down between them, licking his lips in an attempt to focus on anything that's not how nice it feels sitting in jin ling's lap right now. (and while being held onto? surely it doesn't get much better—)
except when jin ling confirms that yes, this position is more proper, a fond, warm feeling comes rushing through him, flooding his cheeks with color now too whereas it'd simply been his ears moments ago.] For sure, [he parrots softly, grinning, tilting his gaze back upward until they're eye-to-eye again (which is also different with how easy it is, given he ordinarily has to look up higher). although he'd like to tease jin ling, ask him ‘well, are you gonna kiss me or not?’ he decides on something else.
something he's thinking will be a simple motion at first, then reconsiders from jin ling's point of view, yet it's not enough to make him drop the idea entirely.] Is kissing considered ‘proper?’ [a quiet, contemplative hum and afterward, he tilts, brushes their noses together, lips barely parted and his left hand moving around so he can drift his fingertips over jin ling's throat.] I'm not so sure in this situation...
it would be a great way to go, jin ling thinks, but then he won't have experienced all the things in life that he's supposed to.
like what happens after this.
all the dirty books zizhen has shared make it seems like that's worth sticking around for. jin ling tries not to let his mind race ahead to sex with sizhui when all they've done is hold hands and now he has him in his lap. he needs to survive and kiss him a bit more before he gets too wound up.
sizhui is definitely not helping.] What--? [you can't expect him to form a coherent thought like this, sizhui.
he blinks and then his mind seems to catch up with what's happening here, even as he shudders at the touch on his neck. that's sensitive, apparently. who knew?] It doesn't matter if it's proper, if we like it. [he says, narrowing his eyes a bit because who is jin rulan if he's not one to fall for being goaded even by his boyfriend? there's a set of determination in his jaw as he leans in, but the kiss -- for what is is -- is still playful and gentle before it melts into something more.
his hands still are firm as one rests on sizhui's hip, the other slides down his outer thigh to pull him closer yet. ]
[honestly, given how sizhui's being an absolute awful tease at the moment, it wouldn't surprise him if jin ling did expire on the spot; his own face isn't getting any less red though so perhaps he could be right there with him.
because the soft little huffs he's exhaling sound far more labored and they've only just kissed.
also, let's be honest, there's a whole bunch of other things they can experience once they get past that; selfishly, sizhui would prefer if they both make it past this moment, which is exactly why he's letting himself remain bold and uninhibited (or as much as he can possibly manage, anyhow). quiet, tainted with the scent of honey-sweetened tea, he sighs another breath between them, readying an answer to jin ling's earlier ‘what?’ yet hesitates once he sees recognition flitter across his boyfriend's expression, even as he trembles underneath sizhui's touch on his throat. ah, yes, he will certainly be filing that away for later . . .
he nods faintly,] You're right, it's no one else's business what we do together. [then comes a grin toward jin ling's determined look, lasting for some odd seconds before their lips meet again in another kiss. he hums, warm and satisfied, sliding his hand from jin ling's throat to his nape, fingers cupping to steadily hold him in place while he licks over the other man's mouth.
and when one hand lowers to his thigh, he lets himself be tugged, shifting on his knees, slotting their bodies together so more of his weight rests on jin ling's lap instead. sizhui then hooks his other arm around jin ling's waist, reaches up over his back and cinches his fingers in the fabric of his robes just below his shoulder.]
Yeah, I am. [smug, yes, but still he sounds a bit dumb and breathless even in his determination. the older man, and they are no longer boys following their uncles and fathers around, has found a new way to leave jin ling lightheaded and captivated.
it isn't fair, really.
he has no ammunition of his own, no way to retaliate. the reality though, is there is nothing to retaliate against and jin ling is happy to follow the lead if it takes him to another kiss. another touch. he parts his lips, meets sizhui's tongue with his own.
in theory, this should be strange but it's far from it. jin ling doesn't really know what he's doing, if he's good at this but he's not about to stop and ask. not now. not when then he'd die of embarrassment and hurl himself out of the resurrection cycle, thank you very much.
it's a wonder that he can have all of these thoughts, really, as his mind also simultaneously short circuits as sizhui moves wholly into his lap. and that, that heat pooling low in his stomach as their bodies meet is unlike anything he's felt. unlike anything he's fantasized about. it's instinctual to groan into sizhui's mouth, to pull him closer as his hips rock up and-- and then he freezes, realizes that this is a line they haven't crossed yet.
[were it still possible, he would've smirked at such a self-satisfied answer, but given his mouth is somewhat busy currently, sizhui's eyes crinkling softly at the corners will have to do for now. not to mention, he isn't inclined to break away from jin ling anytime soon now that they're kissing more proper-like.
here, while the two of them are busying themselves with each other, there shouldn't be any reason for jin ling to retaliate against something that doesn't need it; accepting what's happening and going with the flow is completely alright too.
that's what lan sizhui is doing alongside following instinct, which tells him to absolutely not worry about who might stumble across them and focus entirely on jin ling's tongue meeting his own. he snaps his eyes open all of a sudden despite knowing it could seem outright rude to do so, but then wastes no time opening his mouth somewhat further, exhaling a slow, steady breath between them and letting his tongue-tip dart into jin ling's mouth, coaxing him to kiss him even deeper. an action he's thoroughly engrossed with, at least until jin ling groans, tugs sizhui closer and bucks up against him.
initially (instinctively), he gasps at the sensation, followed by a breathless half-moan that peters off once he realizes what's just happened—
then he withdraws, not too far but just enough to put the slightest amount of space, their foreheads mere inches apart, voice barely a whisper,] It— it's okay, we're getting a little worked up. [which is also fine, he's certainly not getting any less hard, after all! but.] I mean, I didn't mind it whatsoever? Just, ah, perhaps... we should talk about how far we are willing to go at the moment.
[the sound of sizhui gasping like that, of moaning like that is definitely something jin ling wants to hear again.
it feels like he's attained something impossible, something special and sacred and wholly theirs to share. which, okay, he does not have the lan self control to not roll his hips up again when he gains a reaction even if he'd been the one to freeze up at first.
which-- okay, betrayal by his own body? not fair.
the loss of contact nearly earns a whine but jin ling isn't the whining young mistress anymore, definitely not in this moment. his hands settle on sizhui's outer thighs, tangled in the fabric of the robes that cover his pants. it's a distraction for now, good enough to keep them busy as they breathe each other's air and try to calm down.] Just a little? [and there's that somewhat huffy tone, though it's followed with a laugh and jin ling's lucky his voice is deeper now that he's no longer navigating his early teenager years. the huff does come though, soft but there.] We should talk, yeah. We should--- if we were to do this the proper way, we shouldn't get this worked up. [Or be alone together. Or hold hands at this stage when courting gifts haven't been exchanged.
not that jin ling is moving away or letting sizhui move an inch if he tries.]
[being completely, one-hundred-percent honest, jin ling has earned something special; sizhui's never, ever made a sound like the moan he'd just let out mere moments ago and it makes sense, with them being a couple, they'd take pleasure in discovering new things about each other.
what's outright rude about their current position, however, is that jin ling bucks up against him again afterward, earning a soft yet still higher-pitched gasp of surprise.
seriously now? so much for his attempt at winding them down by pulling back, but let's be real here: sizhui can't get mad or stay bemused for long, given his earlier initiation, what with the whole climbing into jin ling's lap thing . . . deep breath in, hold, let it back out aaand alright, that's at least a little bit better. (because distracting himself by thinking how nice it'd be to push jin ling over and pin him down won't help them chill out any less, either—)
he quietly shushes following the pitiful complaint, both hands moving around, fingers interlocking across jin ling's nape once his boyfriend's hands rest along his thighs; a rather dangerous area, considering his sensitivity, but jin ling thankfully can't feel goosebumps above his clothes and sizhui's not focusing on where those hands are, just silently appreciating how nice the slight weight feels, how jin ling's holding him in place by gripping his flowy robes. his lips purse and he playfully narrows his eyes,] A little, [is emphasized though since sizhui isn't making any motion to remove himself from jin ling's lap, but hasn't let his hands start wandering again just yet. the faintest smile does quirk his lips at the edges toward jin ling's huff before he leads with,] How do you think we should proceed from here? [and then, for some reassurance, he caresses jin ling's neck, working over to where it curves into his shoulder.]
Would you rather we not be alone like this? In case we can't control ourselves... [spoken like it's actually something he's concerned about, and yet he's already struggling with keeping his hands motionless.]
[neither of them are really moving away and, honestly, things are straying forward in the direction they shouldn't be going.
or rather shouldn't if anyone were properly supervising them. there is a small part of jin ling that remembers who they'll have to face if they're caught but--- his uncle is less scary now that jin ling towers over him and if hanguang-jun tries to kill him what a memory to have as he goes.
the hindbrain chasing 'this feels good with the boy i like' wins out over reason. it might have something to do with the way sizhui is touching his neck, which is something new jin ling learns about himself as the first firm touch earns a gasp and a shudder.
but! he focuses.] Only a little. [wait, wrong focus.] Um. [he shakes his head.] No, I definitely want to be alone like this. [which is a level of openness and vulnerability that used to only be accompanied by word vomit and maybe a few tears, years ago. look at that growth.
his words are honest this time and he's not stopping his hands as they slide up to sizhui's hips, holding him close.] We--- should let them know though. Our uncles and uh.. Hanguang-jun. But after we've spent a little time alone.
[see, proper supervision doesn't reside in lan jingyi; the moment he realized there was no ignoring how sizhui and jin ling made goo-goo eyes at each other between conversation, he figured he'd leave them to their own devices (and maybe – just maybe – this is exactly what he'd expected to happen).
if it's that, at least jingyi can say he never meant for them to get out of hand, alongside allowing his two friends whatever little privacy they can get while he's off collecting snacks.
later on down the line, sizhui's going to thank him a thousand times over, especially considering all these new things he's discovering about his boyfriend right now. the way he gasps and shivers after his neck is touched, how he oh-so-boldly decides they should accept what's given to them in alone time without any misstepping (which sizhui's proud of, by the way! he's doing great—) then those hands are moving over his hips, earning an almost breathless-sounding sigh, his own hand stilling momentarily on jin ling's shoulder.
that hand splays, palm flattened, fingers faintly dragging as he moves it downward and rests it against the other man's chest, just above where his heart beats.] Afterward, we will tell them, [he agrees.] Until that time comes... [then he's trailing off, letting himself shift closer, his head ducking into jin ling's neck where he ghosts his mouth across the pulsepoint.
sizhui's intentions are clear: make jin ling react further by teasing him, but both his hands move too, lowering to rest on jin ling's, encouraging more touching while he experimentally shifts his hips against him again.]
[what jin ling intends to do, now that he's had a moment to process that is agree that they can tell the proper people later. which, admittedly, was his idea so there is no need to agree.
but!
he's not exactly thinking with the right head at the moment. sizhui really isn't helping with his lips to jin ling's neck. not at all. because that earns a soft groan, followed by a gasp. jin ling instinctively tilts his head back, as his hands slide to the firm muscles of sizhui's ass and pull their hips together.] Fuck.
[lucky for them both, they needn't use their proper heads to think at the moment, not when it's already been decided and sizhui's seizing his moment. (it's rude, no doubt about that, but can he be blamed?) they don't often get alone time and who knows when it may happen again after this?
he isn't trying to help though, he's trying to make his boyfriend feel good, to learn what he likes and doesn't, what makes him tick; it's fun experimentation, especially when he gets reactions like the one just now. as jin ling tilts his head back, sizhui smirks, tips slightly too, then lets the blunt of his teeth drag across jin ling's throat, a soft, heavy sigh warming the skin beneath his mouth. however, it's a noise that pitches higher in octave, growing into an actual moan once jin ling grips his ass and somehow drags him closer, cursing as he does.
his lips move further downward, drifting to jin ling's collarbone, both hands lifting, reaching around his shoulders and lacing together across the back of his neck, his left fingers catching some of the other male's hair. he can't resist murmuring,] Not now, but someday soon. [his tone is teasing, yet promising while he continues squirming in his lap.]
how is jin ling supposed to function in a world where lan sizhui has said that to him. ancestors, gods and demi-gods have mercy on him. wait. jin ling scrunches his nose, not wanting to think of the slew of ancestors at this time.
not that jin ling is really thinking, not with teeth on his collarbone and sizhui's grip in his hair. he's learning a lot about himself in this moment, as he ruts up to meet the heat of sizhui's hardness between his legs. ] You can't just say that -- [ the man who's outgrown the title of 'young mistress' complains, but that is not all he does. jin ling's hands slide to sizhui's outer thighs, to hoist him up and lift him so that he falls back flat on the table with jin ling kneeling between his thighs. ] You're going to drive me crazy if you say that.
but no, really, sizhui knows exactly what he's done by saying that and is all of a sudden very glad he's got his face buried against jin ling's skin. busying himself with nudging aside the other man's robes so he can nip at the spot below his collarbone instead, just the slightest catch of teeth, a faint amount of suction then sizhui pulls back once he's certain there will be an angry red mark; a little something jin ling can remember him by later, yet is still able to cover so no one else knows their business.
to be honest, what he's done feels fair, especially after jin ling bucks up against him like that, earning an abrupt and high-pitched, though somewhat stilted groan. sizhui's teeth sink into the side of his cheek, a pitiful attempt at muffling the last of his already petering-off sound, his ears flushed bright red.] And why can't I—? [while there's more he'd been hoping to say, all coherent thought is momentarily derailed as jin ling's hands move to his thighs, lift him up and drop him backward on the table, where jin ling then pitches over him, settled in-between his thighs.
it takes a moment for clarity to return, for sizhui to catch his breath enough and softly ask,] What if I want you to go crazy, Jin Ling? [what then, hm? he's considering, but in this new position, he can't resist shifting, hooking his legs over jin ling's hips and drawing both hands around to his neck, one thumb pressed up underneath his jaw, the other stroking down over his throat while sizhui finds the pulsepoint on the opposite side of jin ling's neck and decidedly starts working on giving him a hickey there too.]
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houseofsushi2020-05-22 10:34 pm
no subject
truly, it has become an oh no, the consequences of my actions! moment and something he hopes offers actual assurance in this moment of realization.]
That's fair and valid, [sizhui admits, despite sounding like there's a ‘but’ coming that never does. if wanting to know what he should call zewu-jun now is something legitimate, he'll have no trouble explaining the intricacies, all the while realizing he's glad it doesn't interfere with what's going on between them.
and although sizhui knows he shouldn't encourage a sect leader pouting, it's hard not to be amused by the gesture, to fight his lips quirking with mirth no matter how hard he bites his tongue. so, rather than do so, he lets his mouth curve, releases jin ling's arm then reaches to cup his cheek, thumb brushing against the apple of it, his fingertips barely hooking just behind his ear and pressing near his neck.] You're right, they could have, but then what privacy would be left? Everyone would crowd them for congratulations and to give gifts and— [well, it sounds like the direct opposite of keeping things on the down-low.]
Mmhmm. [a hushed agreement through his momentary distracted state of holding jin ling's face, attention quickly redirecting from his lips to his eyes once the other male mentions their possible wedding.] Ah... [and sizhui's cheeks darken further, his head briefly inclines, except there isn't any arguing or denying what's been said.] Not yet, [comes in an equally quiet murmur.] But give it time, I am sure someone will find something to criticize.
no subject
but this is still jin ling.
he knows he's more his jiu-jiu than anyone, even if it is very mature of him to now think of wei wuxian as his da-jiu. he thinks. right?
he's still blushing and hoping that if he just tries to get his face to do something respectable, sizhui won't feel it under his palm. also, how is it possible that the other's hands are still calloused but soft? that's not fair. really. who allowed that?
jin ling is going to explode or die. maybe both. not in a good way.] Right. Not right now... [he finds his voice, still kinda focused on sizhui's hand on his face. it's so intimate, so close. even if it's totally within their write to be way more intimate than this.] They better not criticize. [and then there's his normal steady tone, a bit of his uncle's threatening edge to it. No one better have anything to say about this, not when the thought of marrying sizhui makes jin ling so happy in a way that twists him in inside.]
no subject
while he's desperately trying to ignore this, he can't help imagining he looks ridiculous, which causes his lips to mirthfully quirk at the edges. here's hoping jin ling doesn't mistake it for him being amused by how he looks, though! he's laughing at himself, not at him, et cetera and so on.
much to jin ling's misfortune, sizhui does feel the warmth, something that makes him smile wider and with a bit more genuineness, even if he draws no specific attention toward the other's blush. (also, his trick is to use whatever tools at his disposal that can soften his hands and keep them that way despite consistent, prolonged swordplay.) poor, poor jin rulan, his life is about to become a hundred times harder because if he thinks just having a hand on his face is a lot, he's certainly not prepared for what's coming next:] We'll give them nothing to criticize, [he assures, and where there's more obvious threat in jin ling's voice, there is an almost unnerving steady coolness to sizhui's words too; reassuring, nevertheless, but promisingly intimidating.
he softens as his hand drifts, fingertips brushing the corner of his boyfriend's mouth then settling near his chin.] Jin Ling, [it's already breathy, yet somehow, sizhui's voice becomes barely a whisper when he blurts out,] I would like to kiss you now.
no subject
whatever part of his mind that's responsible for coherent thought chucks itself off the nearest mental cliff, leaving him a bit lost. he knows what the words mean, he does. he wants what those words mean since they haven't really gotten the chance to do anything beyond the most innocent caresses of hands and-- well, jin ling is human.
he's a young, hot blooded man with a very attractive boyfriend. who he is courting and does want to formally court, the proper way.
which is tricky cause they shouldn't be doing this if that's the case.] I mean-- Yes. Yes, do that. Do that now.
no subject
they needn't do anything else besides kissing anyhow, since that should for sure be safe enough, given how careful they've been this whole time. he would like to assume, though he's never courted nor been courted before; everything's new, foreign and there are so many things he could do to mess up— it's something that's kept him awake many nights and now, in the moment, he hopes whatever they decide, it'll work out. (also, no couple is ever the exact same, it's up to them what's comfortable and what isn't.)
‘yes,’ jin ling says, disrupting his preoccupied state, leaving him gawking.] Ah... [sizhui's mouth slowly closes, he bites his cheek, then his eyes become half-lidded and following jin ling's ‘do that now,’ he closes what little distance remains between them to press their lips together.]
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he'd been too young, to nervous to ask his xiao-- to ask jin guangyao when he'd been alive and who would have told him.
he's not about ask his dai-jiu, now. first of all, because he's pretty sure he'd give awful advice and going to your uncle to ask him about kissing his---no, nope. jin ling doesn't finish that train of thought and focuses on the now, on the feel of sizhui's lips against his own.
he likes this, they way they're a little dry and taste like something he can't place but is distinctly sizhui. jin ling lifts his hand from where it's been awkwardly laying on the table, finds himself cupping the side of sizhui's neck. there's still so much distance between them and that-- well, that's not right.] You're so far away. [he says over the table, spoken against sizhui's lips. there's a hint of petulance there that is a faint reminder of the 'young madam' he once was.]
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no, this is warm and inviting and all jin ling, made even more welcoming by the faint hint of honey-sweetened tea lingering on sizhui's lips.
and as tempted as he is to poke his tongue out, lick over the line of jin ling's lips, he hesitates for now because this already feels like a lot despite it only being a rather simple liplock. besides, he's somewhat struggling with where to put and keep his hands, something he's hoping isn't too noticeable while they're kissing. these poor boys, their lack of advice will inevitably come back to bite them, but that's the furthest thing from his thoughts. what has lan sizhui pausing and earning jin ling a breathy gasp is when that hand finds his neck, goosebumps prickling his skin once those words come, a little sulky, though not failing to pique his interest.]
So it would seem, [he murmurs, super-duper tempted to tease jin ling further even if his next shift will be more than playful. lowering both hands, they splay on the table between them, holding him steady as he straightens, carefully guides himself onto then effectively over it so he can straddle jin ling's waist instead and hook his arms around his shoulders after he's settled.] How is this? Better, you think? [asked innocently enough with an actual inquiring head-tilt, but alongside his small half-smirk, it isn't looking too sincere.]
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well.
fuck.
jin ling isn't so sure how sizhui is so proper about this. how he's so collected as he says 'so it would seem.' as if they aren't talking about how far he is when they're kissing.
as he he hadn't just climbed over the table.
a part of jin ling that's holding on to reason here cackles and implodes. it's not the part that's in charge, luckily, because that would be the most awful thing and ruin the mood. the mood of lan sizhui in his lap. right there, where jin ling can place his hands on his hips and confirm that he is in fact in his lap.] Yes. [which, okay, thank every immortal and Heavenly being that jin ling's voice does not crack.]
Much better, closer for sure. [closer, really there. jin ling has a sense of entitlement and bravado about a lot of things, and whole this isn't one of them he feels somehow more comfortable with sizhui here and this close.] Now this is better for proper kissing.
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to tell the truth, he's sort of faking it until he makes it here. his heartbeat has been jackhammering nonstop ever since he'd considered doing what he did and now that he has, he is sincerely hoping jin ling can't hear it being as close as they are, even though he's rather certain that isn't a possibility. nevertheless, his attention darts from his boyfriend's eyes to his lips, to his throat, then he glances down between them, licking his lips in an attempt to focus on anything that's not how nice it feels sitting in jin ling's lap right now. (and while being held onto? surely it doesn't get much better—)
except when jin ling confirms that yes, this position is more proper, a fond, warm feeling comes rushing through him, flooding his cheeks with color now too whereas it'd simply been his ears moments ago.] For sure, [he parrots softly, grinning, tilting his gaze back upward until they're eye-to-eye again (which is also different with how easy it is, given he ordinarily has to look up higher). although he'd like to tease jin ling, ask him ‘well, are you gonna kiss me or not?’ he decides on something else.
something he's thinking will be a simple motion at first, then reconsiders from jin ling's point of view, yet it's not enough to make him drop the idea entirely.] Is kissing considered ‘proper?’ [a quiet, contemplative hum and afterward, he tilts, brushes their noses together, lips barely parted and his left hand moving around so he can drift his fingertips over jin ling's throat.] I'm not so sure in this situation...
[is he goading him? mmmaybe just a little.]
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it would be a great way to go, jin ling thinks, but then he won't have experienced all the things in life that he's supposed to.
like what happens after this.
all the dirty books zizhen has shared make it seems like that's worth sticking around for. jin ling tries not to let his mind race ahead to sex with sizhui when all they've done is hold hands and now he has him in his lap. he needs to survive and kiss him a bit more before he gets too wound up.
sizhui is definitely not helping.] What--? [you can't expect him to form a coherent thought like this, sizhui.
he blinks and then his mind seems to catch up with what's happening here, even as he shudders at the touch on his neck. that's sensitive, apparently. who knew?] It doesn't matter if it's proper, if we like it. [he says, narrowing his eyes a bit because who is jin rulan if he's not one to fall for being goaded even by his boyfriend? there's a set of determination in his jaw as he leans in, but the kiss -- for what is is -- is still playful and gentle before it melts into something more.
his hands still are firm as one rests on sizhui's hip, the other slides down his outer thigh to pull him closer yet. ]
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because the soft little huffs he's exhaling sound far more labored and they've only just kissed.
also, let's be honest, there's a whole bunch of other things they can experience once they get past that; selfishly, sizhui would prefer if they both make it past this moment, which is exactly why he's letting himself remain bold and uninhibited (or as much as he can possibly manage, anyhow). quiet, tainted with the scent of honey-sweetened tea, he sighs another breath between them, readying an answer to jin ling's earlier ‘what?’ yet hesitates once he sees recognition flitter across his boyfriend's expression, even as he trembles underneath sizhui's touch on his throat. ah, yes, he will certainly be filing that away for later . . .
he nods faintly,] You're right, it's no one else's business what we do together. [then comes a grin toward jin ling's determined look, lasting for some odd seconds before their lips meet again in another kiss. he hums, warm and satisfied, sliding his hand from jin ling's throat to his nape, fingers cupping to steadily hold him in place while he licks over the other man's mouth.
and when one hand lowers to his thigh, he lets himself be tugged, shifting on his knees, slotting their bodies together so more of his weight rests on jin ling's lap instead. sizhui then hooks his other arm around jin ling's waist, reaches up over his back and cinches his fingers in the fabric of his robes just below his shoulder.]
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it isn't fair, really.
he has no ammunition of his own, no way to retaliate. the reality though, is there is nothing to retaliate against and jin ling is happy to follow the lead if it takes him to another kiss. another touch. he parts his lips, meets sizhui's tongue with his own.
in theory, this should be strange but it's far from it. jin ling doesn't really know what he's doing, if he's good at this but he's not about to stop and ask. not now. not when then he'd die of embarrassment and hurl himself out of the resurrection cycle, thank you very much.
it's a wonder that he can have all of these thoughts, really, as his mind also simultaneously short circuits as sizhui moves wholly into his lap. and that, that heat pooling low in his stomach as their bodies meet is unlike anything he's felt. unlike anything he's fantasized about. it's instinctual to groan into sizhui's mouth, to pull him closer as his hips rock up and-- and then he freezes, realizes that this is a line they haven't crossed yet.
haven't discussed---]
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here, while the two of them are busying themselves with each other, there shouldn't be any reason for jin ling to retaliate against something that doesn't need it; accepting what's happening and going with the flow is completely alright too.
that's what lan sizhui is doing alongside following instinct, which tells him to absolutely not worry about who might stumble across them and focus entirely on jin ling's tongue meeting his own. he snaps his eyes open all of a sudden despite knowing it could seem outright rude to do so, but then wastes no time opening his mouth somewhat further, exhaling a slow, steady breath between them and letting his tongue-tip dart into jin ling's mouth, coaxing him to kiss him even deeper. an action he's thoroughly engrossed with, at least until jin ling groans, tugs sizhui closer and bucks up against him.
initially (instinctively), he gasps at the sensation, followed by a breathless half-moan that peters off once he realizes what's just happened—
then he withdraws, not too far but just enough to put the slightest amount of space, their foreheads mere inches apart, voice barely a whisper,] It— it's okay, we're getting a little worked up. [which is also fine, he's certainly not getting any less hard, after all! but.] I mean, I didn't mind it whatsoever? Just, ah, perhaps... we should talk about how far we are willing to go at the moment.
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it feels like he's attained something impossible, something special and sacred and wholly theirs to share. which, okay, he does not have the lan self control to not roll his hips up again when he gains a reaction even if he'd been the one to freeze up at first.
which-- okay, betrayal by his own body? not fair.
the loss of contact nearly earns a whine but jin ling isn't the whining young mistress anymore, definitely not in this moment. his hands settle on sizhui's outer thighs, tangled in the fabric of the robes that cover his pants. it's a distraction for now, good enough to keep them busy as they breathe each other's air and try to calm down.] Just a little? [and there's that somewhat huffy tone, though it's followed with a laugh and jin ling's lucky his voice is deeper now that he's no longer navigating his early teenager years. the huff does come though, soft but there.] We should talk, yeah. We should--- if we were to do this the proper way, we shouldn't get this worked up. [Or be alone together. Or hold hands at this stage when courting gifts haven't been exchanged.
not that jin ling is moving away or letting sizhui move an inch if he tries.]
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what's outright rude about their current position, however, is that jin ling bucks up against him again afterward, earning a soft yet still higher-pitched gasp of surprise.
seriously now? so much for his attempt at winding them down by pulling back, but let's be real here: sizhui can't get mad or stay bemused for long, given his earlier initiation, what with the whole climbing into jin ling's lap thing . . . deep breath in, hold, let it back out aaand alright, that's at least a little bit better. (because distracting himself by thinking how nice it'd be to push jin ling over and pin him down won't help them chill out any less, either—)
he quietly shushes following the pitiful complaint, both hands moving around, fingers interlocking across jin ling's nape once his boyfriend's hands rest along his thighs; a rather dangerous area, considering his sensitivity, but jin ling thankfully can't feel goosebumps above his clothes and sizhui's not focusing on where those hands are, just silently appreciating how nice the slight weight feels, how jin ling's holding him in place by gripping his flowy robes. his lips purse and he playfully narrows his eyes,] A little, [is emphasized though since sizhui isn't making any motion to remove himself from jin ling's lap, but hasn't let his hands start wandering again just yet. the faintest smile does quirk his lips at the edges toward jin ling's huff before he leads with,] How do you think we should proceed from here? [and then, for some reassurance, he caresses jin ling's neck, working over to where it curves into his shoulder.]
Would you rather we not be alone like this? In case we can't control ourselves... [spoken like it's actually something he's concerned about, and yet he's already struggling with keeping his hands motionless.]
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or rather shouldn't if anyone were properly supervising them. there is a small part of jin ling that remembers who they'll have to face if they're caught but--- his uncle is less scary now that jin ling towers over him and if hanguang-jun tries to kill him what a memory to have as he goes.
the hindbrain chasing 'this feels good with the boy i like' wins out over reason. it might have something to do with the way sizhui is touching his neck, which is something new jin ling learns about himself as the first firm touch earns a gasp and a shudder.
but! he focuses.] Only a little. [wait, wrong focus.] Um. [he shakes his head.] No, I definitely want to be alone like this. [which is a level of openness and vulnerability that used to only be accompanied by word vomit and maybe a few tears, years ago. look at that growth.
his words are honest this time and he's not stopping his hands as they slide up to sizhui's hips, holding him close.] We--- should let them know though. Our uncles and uh.. Hanguang-jun. But after we've spent a little time alone.
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if it's that, at least jingyi can say he never meant for them to get out of hand, alongside allowing his two friends whatever little privacy they can get while he's off collecting snacks.
later on down the line, sizhui's going to thank him a thousand times over, especially considering all these new things he's discovering about his boyfriend right now. the way he gasps and shivers after his neck is touched, how he oh-so-boldly decides they should accept what's given to them in alone time without any misstepping (which sizhui's proud of, by the way! he's doing great—) then those hands are moving over his hips, earning an almost breathless-sounding sigh, his own hand stilling momentarily on jin ling's shoulder.
that hand splays, palm flattened, fingers faintly dragging as he moves it downward and rests it against the other man's chest, just above where his heart beats.] Afterward, we will tell them, [he agrees.] Until that time comes... [then he's trailing off, letting himself shift closer, his head ducking into jin ling's neck where he ghosts his mouth across the pulsepoint.
sizhui's intentions are clear: make jin ling react further by teasing him, but both his hands move too, lowering to rest on jin ling's, encouraging more touching while he experimentally shifts his hips against him again.]
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but!
he's not exactly thinking with the right head at the moment. sizhui really isn't helping with his lips to jin ling's neck. not at all. because that earns a soft groan, followed by a gasp. jin ling instinctively tilts his head back, as his hands slide to the firm muscles of sizhui's ass and pull their hips together.] Fuck.
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he isn't trying to help though, he's trying to make his boyfriend feel good, to learn what he likes and doesn't, what makes him tick; it's fun experimentation, especially when he gets reactions like the one just now. as jin ling tilts his head back, sizhui smirks, tips slightly too, then lets the blunt of his teeth drag across jin ling's throat, a soft, heavy sigh warming the skin beneath his mouth. however, it's a noise that pitches higher in octave, growing into an actual moan once jin ling grips his ass and somehow drags him closer, cursing as he does.
his lips move further downward, drifting to jin ling's collarbone, both hands lifting, reaching around his shoulders and lacing together across the back of his neck, his left fingers catching some of the other male's hair. he can't resist murmuring,] Not now, but someday soon. [his tone is teasing, yet promising while he continues squirming in his lap.]
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what?!
how is jin ling supposed to function in a world where lan sizhui has said that to him. ancestors, gods and demi-gods have mercy on him. wait. jin ling scrunches his nose, not wanting to think of the slew of ancestors at this time.
not that jin ling is really thinking, not with teeth on his collarbone and sizhui's grip in his hair. he's learning a lot about himself in this moment, as he ruts up to meet the heat of sizhui's hardness between his legs. ] You can't just say that -- [ the man who's outgrown the title of 'young mistress' complains, but that is not all he does. jin ling's hands slide to sizhui's outer thighs, to hoist him up and lift him so that he falls back flat on the table with jin ling kneeling between his thighs. ] You're going to drive me crazy if you say that.
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but no, really, sizhui knows exactly what he's done by saying that and is all of a sudden very glad he's got his face buried against jin ling's skin. busying himself with nudging aside the other man's robes so he can nip at the spot below his collarbone instead, just the slightest catch of teeth, a faint amount of suction then sizhui pulls back once he's certain there will be an angry red mark; a little something jin ling can remember him by later, yet is still able to cover so no one else knows their business.
to be honest, what he's done feels fair, especially after jin ling bucks up against him like that, earning an abrupt and high-pitched, though somewhat stilted groan. sizhui's teeth sink into the side of his cheek, a pitiful attempt at muffling the last of his already petering-off sound, his ears flushed bright red.] And why can't I—? [while there's more he'd been hoping to say, all coherent thought is momentarily derailed as jin ling's hands move to his thighs, lift him up and drop him backward on the table, where jin ling then pitches over him, settled in-between his thighs.
it takes a moment for clarity to return, for sizhui to catch his breath enough and softly ask,] What if I want you to go crazy, Jin Ling? [what then, hm? he's considering, but in this new position, he can't resist shifting, hooking his legs over jin ling's hips and drawing both hands around to his neck, one thumb pressed up underneath his jaw, the other stroking down over his throat while sizhui finds the pulsepoint on the opposite side of jin ling's neck and decidedly starts working on giving him a hickey there too.]