houseofsushi | lan sizhui ♪ the untamed (open post)

[no, he isn't a child, but the fact he got a response from is all the reassurance sizhui needs. thankfully, it doesn't take long to gather his things and – after a brief pit-stop to plead with hanguang-jun to let him go from his studies a bit early – he heads out.

by the time he reaches lanling from guangling, the sun has sunk low on the horizon; stunning pinks and reds are scattered across the sky as he greets the guards at the gate. purples and blues are what follow the whole way to jin ling's room, his pace quickening each time he gets past other sect members. some greet him, sizhui at least has the courteous to return the gesture then makes a soft excuse about being in a hurry. it's out of sheer luck, he makes it there as fast as he does.

sizhui hesitates outside the bedroom door anyhow, clenching his fingers around his sword, pinching the small candies against his palm, taking a deep breath in and sighing it back out before he finally reaches to knock.]

Jin Ling? [or does he call him by his more proper name now? he isn't sure but—] It's me, Lan Sizhui.

[...just in case.]

[ when Sizhui said it'd take a little bit, he didn't think he was going to come along the same day. in Jin Ling's mind, the candies had merely been an excuse for the visit, even if it had been for the next day. it's already late, and Jin Ling is well aware of the Lan's sleeping schedule and how they rarely strayed from it. the more logical choice would have been to travel in the morning to arrive before noon.

so when there's a knock on his door and the sound of the familiar voice through it, Jin Ling startles, wavers and stares at the door for a moment before he remembers himself, and, halfway out of his chair, replies. ]

A-ah... it's open, come in.

[ of course he knows it's Sizhui. no one in Carp Tower calls him by his birth name, wouldn't dare take the name in their mouth. ]

Edited 2020-07-09 06:42 (UTC)

[what would've been the point of waiting to bring him the candy when he'll likely feel better the next day? flying by sword takes a lot of energy, there's no doubt about that, but this is— it's important, sleep schedule be damned. (yes, of course, there are surely more important things than delivering ginger drops in person. like, uh, the paperwork the other boy's forgoing? sizhui won't say anything so long as the jin ling doesn't.)

being given the go-ahead and after tucking the candies away in his robes, he opens the door, gracefully steps through then shuts it again behind himself.

he hadn't greeted him with ‘jin-zongzhu’ or ‘sect leader’ but sizhui does circle his arms around in front of himself, both hands around his sword while he bends forward into a bow.] Hello, [comes the more proper acknowledgement, followed by an immediate,] I'm sorry, it's later than I expected. I hope I didn't disturb you.

[from where he's standing, it doesn't seem as if jin ling might've been dozing. however, the lan disciple hasn't exactly made any attempt at moving closer to get a better look (yet).]

[ the point... the point was that Jin Ling figured he could weather the headache and the pain of the hangover because he wanted to prove something. something he doesn't even need to prove, in the long run.

Sizhui looks tired, and who wouldn't be, traveling that far in such little time. Jin Ling's eyes widens at the bow, that's... wrong, coming from Sizhui, though he knows its customary. they're not in an official setting now, though, just the two of them in Jin Ling's... private quarters. he stuffs that thought to the side for his own bow in return before he can remember himself and then he frowns, moving around the table to stand in front of Sizhui, hands hovering awkwardly at his sides for a moment before he hesitantly moves to push Sizhui's arms up. ]

Sizhui— Stop. Don't do that. Bowing.

[ he sighs a little, feeling the itch in his bones after having sat down all day. his desk is still covered in papers, the pile not feeling much smaller than it was a couple of hours ago. ]

[but of course jin ling thinks he has something to prove when it's quite the opposite; sizhui doesn't expect him to suffer through the inconvenience just because it'll make him ‘tougher’ or whatever. how counter-productive in the long run!

he's definitely weary, shown in the way he doesn't quite straighten all the way after jin ling approaches and reaches for his arms to help him back upright. sizhui blinks, eyelashes fluttering too slowly for it to be mistaken for anything except fatigue, but he squares his shoulders, lowers his arms just enough so they aren't standing there awkwardly with jin ling holding them. the instinctive thing to do is apologize a second time, though his lips press together thoughtfully while he studies the nearby desk.]

I'll remember. [a beat of silence] For next time.

[then his attention redirects to jin ling, he shifts an arm and gingerly takes ahold of the other teen's elbow. sizhui's observant enough, it's nothing for him to offer,] Would you like— [maybe don't ask to help yet?] —to talk a walk?

[ take a walk or drop into bed, either sounds good, and he hates the jittery feeling that pushes through his own exhaustion because it is late. he narrows his eyes a tad at Sizhui's suggestion, at the way he sort of sways. he doesn't shrug his hand off, partly to support him without actually showing it or offering it under the guise of Sizhui obviously attempting to... baby him? take care of him?

it doesn't help the jittery feeling at all, but he's not about to drag Sizhui around the compound when it's this close to nine pm and he looks like he's about to drop. ]

Actually, can we just stay here?

[staying where they are is a good option, too. the main reason he'd suggested walking was to help with the jitters; some movement, no matter how slight, could've been good for him after sitting all day. lying down wouldn't be the worst option, either. jin ling scrutinizes him, sizhui's expression holds steady, unwavering from the calm and collected facade he's carefully holding together. just nevermind the fact he looks like his knees might give out at any time, it's fine, at least he's not listing.

he does eventually have to look away though, casts his gaze downward before jin ling ends up noticing the bleary look in his eyes.] Mmn, [is the noise of agreement he initially offers then he tucks his sword underneath his arm, reaches into his robes and produces three prewrapped ginger drops.]

It isn't much... but even just one should help any leftover ailments.

[ he hold his eyes for a moment until the other looks away and procures the reason for his visit. ]

Oh.

[ he looks down at the candies, eyes a little wide and mechanically brings a hand up to accept them, feeling a little floaty with the slight warm feeling in his chest. then he looks back up at Sizhui, furrowing his brows, because seriously. ]

You look like your going to pass out. Did you really decided to come here this late, just to give me a couple of candies?

[ instead of saying thank you, he starts berating him instead. good job, Jin Ling. ]

Edited 2020-07-09 10:58 (UTC)

[ It is very fortunate indeed that Lan Sizhui isn't the kind of person to upset others, even if these others have done so much more to his uncle than simply to upset him. Jin Guangyao isn't unaware either how exceptional such kindness is, though he is now working on himself to actually give Sizhui the benefit of the doubt. Or at least a reasonable pretense of it, if he can't bring himself to actually believe in his goodness.

It is still so hard to trust that anyone other than Lan Xichen himself may be willing to give him a chance, or not to see enemies wherever he looks. ]

Thank you for informing me how long you will be, Lan-gongzi, it is very attentive of you, but I can assure you, there is no danger that you will find me otherwise occupied. [ A hint of humor, maybe, to lighten the mood? ]

[it's odd, standing there with his palm upturned, offering the jin sect leader candy of all things, but it's not a bad sensation, just... different in a way he can't explain. sort of like the heat spreading throughout his own midsection he's trying so desperately to ignore, especially when they're standing this close.]

I'm alright. Could we maybe sit down, though? And no, I didn't just come to give you the candy. [sizhui came because he was worried, wanted to see for himself what sort of condition his friend was in.

(don't worry, jin ling, you're doing great, sweetie!) he takes the reprimanding in stride nonetheless, raises his hand to gesture toward the bed, second-guesses, almost motions to the desk instead, comes up short then as well—

so, lan yuan squeezes his eyes shut, wrinkles his nose then reopens them and directs back to jin ling, hoping he'll make the decision for them. wherever feels more appropriate will do fine.]

[ to be honest, Jin Ling still doesn't feel like he's a sect leader yet. the shoes to fill seems to get bigger and bigger and he's doing his best to not stumble in the dark.

it takes him another couple of moments to take a step back from Sizhui, put some distance between them, inhaling on a measured, stuttering breath. masking it as tiredness is fine, right? he's tired. exhausted even, but Sizhui doesn't need to know that, doesn't need the worry.

so Jin Ling focuses on him instead, even though he almost misses Sizhui's question in lieu of his mind wandering. ]

Not just the candy?

[ he sees the other consider the different spots in his room and oh. Jin Ling raises his arm to... what? he's hovering as Sizhui closes his eyes in apparent vague distress and he hesitates, before he grabs his friend's wrist. ]

Come on, before you topple over.

[ and tugs him towards the bed and turning him around so he can sit. ]

Did you rush here? What were you thinking?

Edited 2020-07-10 09:36 (UTC)

[becoming well-versed in the ways of sect leadership isn't something that will happen overnight; it's been a couple years now, sure, but jin ling has been doing it competently the whole time in sizhui's opinion.

although what does he know about being a sect leader while he's still technically training underneath hanguang-jun? or ‘his excellency,’ rather. wait, does that mean— “not just the candy?”

—oh, apparently his own thoughts had been derailed a moment there, too.]

I came to, ah, [but he hesitates as jin ling lifts his arm, eyebrows arching with both curiosity and interest; what's his next move? taking sizhui's wrist, it would seem, and he doesn't hesitate to follow whenever he's chided again – which makes him bite his cheek to hide a smile – then lead toward the bed.

what's unexpected is his friend bodily helping him sit down. that makes his eyes widen somewhat, though he softens almost right away at jin ling's question. sizhui's head dips, he sets his sword aside, laces his fingers together in his lap.

and finally, he admits just underneath his breath,] I was thinking about you, about if you... if you were okay or not.

[so that's a ‘yes’ on the rushing.]

[ he'd take that as a compliment and silently preen with it, really. he frowns a little at Sizhui's apparent drifting attention, a clear sign that he's as tired as he should be.

as soon as he has his friend sitting down, he realizes with a pang that he doesn't know what to do, flounders a little, tries not to trail his eyes after the way Sizhui bends his head, smiles vaguely, even as he settles there. oh... wait he's settling on his bed. that's. an odd feeling and he's not sure he knows what to do with it, so he swallows it down in time to hear what the other says, almost whispers. ]

You... what?

[ he can't help but flush red, feel the warmth spread across his cheeks and he's thankful that Sizhui isn't looking at him at the moment, because he suddenly feels the embarrassment and warmth form goosebumps across his skin. he crosses his arms and turns away to hide his fluster, moving back to his table, trying to school the red down as he settles behind it. ]

...I'm fine, you can see I'm fine. I bet Jingyi is worse off than me, isn't he? [ he's babbling, he knows that, and his voice drops a bit of volume and he tries not to mumble. ] But thanks, I guess. For... mm. The candies. It's... it's appreciated.

[this little lan disciple had been there when everything played out; he knows all too well about considering how things are not so black and white, how people do things when they're pushed too close to the edge with nothing to really pull them back before it's too late. he's discussed wei ying with both twin jades, taken his own heritage into account the more he learns about it.

ah... perhaps it'd been silly of him to give jin guangyao a play-by-play of his plans, considering, but forgive him for being extra (even if unnecessarily) accommodating.

but the tinge of satire is a good icebreaker; sizhui even has to muffle a giggle in his sleeve.] Yes, alright, I suppose you make a solid point there. [nevermind that he laughed!]

[for whatever it may be worth, the lan disciple doesn't notice his struggling too much, taking into account he's finding it more and more difficult to lift his head— and wow, when did his hands get so interesting? he doesn't remember, but eventually, he does manage an upward glance, just long enough to momentarily see jin ling's expression. hm, he doesn't look outright appalled by what's been said, though the way he all but whispers is rather telling.

sizhui lowers his gaze again, disentangles his hands and lifts one to rest over his chest, pressing against it tight like that might keep his heart from bursting through his ribcage. should he have worded it differently? perhaps something with additional eloquence would've proved more proper, he'll later blame his clumsiness on the exhaustion.

he tilts his head back up after jin ling crosses his arms, opening his mouth as if to protest, although the other male is already making his way back toward the table. instinctively, sizhui's hands lower, palms bracing on the edge of the bed like he might move to push himself upright and follow. except when he remembers how discombobulated he was while on his feet a few moments ago, he second-guesses, clenches his fingers around the bedsheets a long moment then exhales a slow, measured sigh before letting go.

of course he can see his friend is fine, that doesn't make him any less worried for his well-being!]

Jingyi always goes overboard and regrets it later, you know that. What would make anything different now? [despite his being tired, sizhui sounds genuine when he asks and definitely can't help the small approving hum toward jin ling's gratitude.] You're welcome... I do hope they help.

Good. Make sure you keep your promise to him. It is hurtful to have eternal loyalty promised to you only to learn that it is very conditional. I don't want Jin Ling to ever know such suffering.

[ Not that he would know anything about such hurts. Nope. But he is still going to be naturally suspicious of the boy Wei Wuxian claims as his son, even if they have taken enough steps to reconcile that he is now willing to treat said boy as his nephew.

And yet here they are, with Lan Sizhui so painfully earnest and even implying loyalty to Jiang Cheng himself. What is he supposed to make of that? ]

It's true that Jin Ling has proven himself. I'm glad you can acknowledge that. Many only see his youth but he is learning quickly, and he is very proficient for his age. He carries heavier burdens than most men twice his age. Which again, makes it so important that he has people loyal to him.

[ Jin Guangyao may not know that he managed to get a laugh out of him but he likes to imagine that he did, and would be quite pleased to know he is right. (Well, he is always pleased to be right but still.)

People can be very complicated indeed and schemes can be even more complicated. If there is one thing he genuinely regrets about his plans then it is that they resulted in Lan Xichen suffering heartache. So he can at least try to bring him small joys now by being agreeable, or at least lessen the worries he causes him. ]

Forgive me. That was quite possibly rude of me. I appreciate how mindful you are, and that you seek to keep me involved. [ Even if it is only an illusion of agency he still appreciates it, sitting locked away in not-so-voluntary seclusion. ] You have been far kinder to me already than I have any right to ask for, considering what transpired.

[ he shuffles his papers around without actually looking at them. god damn it Jin Ling, what's wrong with you? it's just Sizhui, there's no reason to be nervous around him. it's your best friend, remember?

maybe the headache is really just messing with him, this anxiousness really only the nausea he's left with since last night, surely that's it, and he tries to swallow the way his heart is trying to climb into his throat because it's definitely not comfortable.

it takes a few more moments before he's effectively made a bigger mess of his table and he just abandons that in favour of glancing up at his companion, in time to meet his eyes. his cheeks flush without his consent because who allowed Sizhui to look like that, picture perfect and cute even when he's tired and wow okay. no.

screech and halt, wow. stop, brain. he purses his lips and quickly looks down, reaches up to brush the flush of his cheeks but instead leans his forehead against his fingers. ]

No, it's... [ what? why did he bring up Jingyi anyway, just to fill the silence? ] Thank you, Sizhui.

[rustling papers hold sizhui's attention, give him something mindless to focus on during his momentary consideration: had he embarrassed jin ling coming here? by showing him the slightest hint of possible affection—

now hold on, that may not be the proper word! it's definitely the right one, no doubt about that, you just don't want to admit that because what if he doesn't feel the same way?

well, at least the other boy won't need to feel too self-conscious since sizhui is quite certain his cheeks are abruptly pink despite doing everything within his power to will the blush away. jin ling breaks eye-contact first and his own gaze lowers, both hands raising then dropping atop his thighs with a soft, yet still audible smack.]

We're friends, Jin Ling. It's the least I could do and I know you'd do the same. [or in his own sort of way? also, here's hoping jin ling won't mind if he just. slowly lets himself tumble backward across his bed like it's no big deal. easily the worst idea when he's already lightheaded but being laid down means he's stabilized, that he can close his eyes while doing some slow diaphragm-based breathing and trying to gather his bearings.]

[well, he's about to find out, seeing as sizhui will tell him! after he takes a minute to consider why jin guangyao felt like he needed to ask to be forgiven, he shakes his head, tries to not think about it too much. having someone apologizing to him over something so simple feels... odd, to put it lightly.

if there's one thing he wants to try at some point: it's asking jin ling to come visit his uncle. the lan disciple has no idea what sort of reaction that'll rouse, but perhaps it's something the both of them might find solace in. (or maybe it'd be the wrong thing and have the worst effect, given the circumstances?)]

You've no reason to apologize, I found it amusing. I know time must run together while one is by themselves, so I don't know, telling you about things that are going on feels like it might help ease the monotony. [while he'd much rather not consider what happened again:] A little kindness can go a long way. “Be easy on others,” and “love all beings,” are part of Gusu Lan Clan's rules.

[sounds like jiang cheng's speaking from experience, which immediately makes sizhui want to ask, but he knows rather well when to keep his curiosity in check.] Well, I have to admit, I haven't... verbally sworn an oath to him in any proper manner. Should I fix that?

[being suspicious of him is fair, there's no doubting that, although jiang cheng shouldn't forget he was raised by zewu-jun and hanguang-jun, too. not to mention sizhui's his own person and should be given the chance to prove himself as he is, especially if it means convincing sandu shengshou of loyalty.

a task he seems thoroughly dedicated to.]

That's because I'd imagine most other people look at him and just see a young, inexperienced boy rather than seeing him as a sect leader. I hope whatever attendants he has, they're good to him and treat him properly.

You don't need to verbally swear anything. In the end, words mean nothing. Just make sure he knows.

[ This isn't exactly the easiest conversation for him and really, he wishes he had put an end to it as soon as he had the agreement to be taught the silencing spell - but it's a necessary warning, just to make sure the company Jin Ling keeps can be trusted.

It's hard not to at least want to trust in such painful earnestness. ]

It's true. When you become sect leader at the age he did, and I did, it is very difficult to be seen as an equal to older sect leaders. Yesterday, people were still treating you as a child, now you hold authority over them. I try to help him but there is only so much I can do without harming him instead. He can't be seen as a weak leader who needs to be propped up by his uncle or as a Yunmeng Jiang puppet.

Your rules are very wise. [ More than empty flattery, even. He does think of these rules as wise and kind and many other good things, or else he wouldn't love Lan Xichen so very much who embodies all the best of them. He just hasn't found them particularly well-suited to his own life. ]

If you don't mind, I would enjoy hearing about the going-ons in Cloud Recesses, or whatever you are willing and able to share with me. It does get rather dull here. Er-ge ensures I'm provided with books for my entertainment but there are only so many books you can read before the appeal fades.

Thank you, Lianfang-zun. [considering his earlier jin-zongzhu might not technically be appropriate anymore and, keeping in mind his current circumstances, it makes sense why the rules wouldn't be companionable.]

I completely understand what you mean with the books. I'm sorry there isn't more we can provide you for entertainment, but if you are truly interested in the happenings within Cloud Recesses, I'd be more than willing to share whatever I'm allowed to with you! Oh, and I could maybe play some music for you sometime if you're ever interested in that?

I'll make sure of it. [actions speak louder than words. he's heard that before, hasn't he? how unfortunate, he can't remember from where.

all jiang cheng has to do is say they're done talking about it and sizhui will immediately cease and desist (regardless of his nagging curiosity). but proving to jin ling's uncle that he's trustworthy is important; far more significant than teaching him the silencing spell, however, he'll still plan for that.

and if there's one thing that's certain: it's sizhui's impassioned loyalty to his friends.]

Perhaps... is there anything I can do to help him? As his friend, I mean. I don't know much about being a sect leader, but whatever I can do, I want him to be treated properly.

Although I'm not sure what it would look like or how it would sound if he was getting help from me.

lan sizhui ♪ the untamed (open post)

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omg how did I not "you're"

this is a no judgement zone!! typos happen, english is hard, etc etc

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