[ they're equally bad at this. but... the idea of Sizhui coming by is more appealing than the stack of papers on his table that he doesn't want to look at.
[they are, though that could be exactly why sizhui's trying so hard to be accommodating; he knows this is new territory, is well-aware treading with caution is important, and yet—
meanwhile, he doesn't miss a beat:]It might take a little bit.
[ it's just like Sizhui to try and be accommodating and reassuring and he just huffs a little, sends another text before putting his phone down. he should try to be responsible in the meantime. ]
It's fine. You don't need to reassure me, I'm not a child.
[no, he isn't a child, but the fact he got a response from is all the reassurance sizhui needs. thankfully, it doesn't take long to gather his things and – after a brief pit-stop to plead with hanguang-jun to let him go from his studies a bit early – he heads out.
by the time he reaches lanling from guangling, the sun has sunk low on the horizon; stunning pinks and reds are scattered across the sky as he greets the guards at the gate. purples and blues are what follow the whole way to jin ling's room, his pace quickening each time he gets past other sect members. some greet him, sizhui at least has the courteous to return the gesture then makes a soft excuse about being in a hurry. it's out of sheer luck, he makes it there as fast as he does.
sizhui hesitates outside the bedroom door anyhow, clenching his fingers around his sword, pinching the small candies against his palm, taking a deep breath in and sighing it back out before he finally reaches to knock.]
Jin Ling? [or does he call him by his more proper name now? he isn't sure but—] It's me, Lan Sizhui.
[ when Sizhui said it'd take a little bit, he didn't think he was going to come along the same day. in Jin Ling's mind, the candies had merely been an excuse for the visit, even if it had been for the next day. it's already late, and Jin Ling is well aware of the Lan's sleeping schedule and how they rarely strayed from it. the more logical choice would have been to travel in the morning to arrive before noon.
so when there's a knock on his door and the sound of the familiar voice through it, Jin Ling startles, wavers and stares at the door for a moment before he remembers himself, and, halfway out of his chair, replies. ]
A-ah... it's open, come in.
[ of course he knows it's Sizhui. no one in Carp Tower calls him by his birth name, wouldn't dare take the name in their mouth. ]
[what would've been the point of waiting to bring him the candy when he'll likely feel better the next day? flying by sword takes a lot of energy, there's no doubt about that, but this is— it's important, sleep schedule be damned. (yes, of course, there are surely more important things than delivering ginger drops in person. like, uh, the paperwork the other boy's forgoing? sizhui won't say anything so long as the jin ling doesn't.)
being given the go-ahead and after tucking the candies away in his robes, he opens the door, gracefully steps through then shuts it again behind himself.
he hadn't greeted him with ‘jin-zongzhu’ or ‘sect leader’ but sizhui does circle his arms around in front of himself, both hands around his sword while he bends forward into a bow.] Hello, [comes the more proper acknowledgement, followed by an immediate,] I'm sorry, it's later than I expected. I hope I didn't disturb you.
[from where he's standing, it doesn't seem as if jin ling might've been dozing. however, the lan disciple hasn't exactly made any attempt at moving closer to get a better look (yet).]
[ the point... the point was that Jin Ling figured he could weather the headache and the pain of the hangover because he wanted to prove something. something he doesn't even need to prove, in the long run.
Sizhui looks tired, and who wouldn't be, traveling that far in such little time. Jin Ling's eyes widens at the bow, that's... wrong, coming from Sizhui, though he knows its customary. they're not in an official setting now, though, just the two of them in Jin Ling's... private quarters. he stuffs that thought to the side for his own bow in return before he can remember himself and then he frowns, moving around the table to stand in front of Sizhui, hands hovering awkwardly at his sides for a moment before he hesitantly moves to push Sizhui's arms up. ]
Sizhui— Stop. Don't do that. Bowing.
[ he sighs a little, feeling the itch in his bones after having sat down all day. his desk is still covered in papers, the pile not feeling much smaller than it was a couple of hours ago. ]
[but of course jin ling thinks he has something to prove when it's quite the opposite; sizhui doesn't expect him to suffer through the inconvenience just because it'll make him ‘tougher’ or whatever. how counter-productive in the long run!
he's definitely weary, shown in the way he doesn't quite straighten all the way after jin ling approaches and reaches for his arms to help him back upright. sizhui blinks, eyelashes fluttering too slowly for it to be mistaken for anything except fatigue, but he squares his shoulders, lowers his arms just enough so they aren't standing there awkwardly with jin ling holding them. the instinctive thing to do is apologize a second time, though his lips press together thoughtfully while he studies the nearby desk.]
I'll remember. [a beat of silence] For next time.
[then his attention redirects to jin ling, he shifts an arm and gingerly takes ahold of the other teen's elbow. sizhui's observant enough, it's nothing for him to offer,] Would you like— [maybe don't ask to help yet?] —to talk a walk?
[ take a walk or drop into bed, either sounds good, and he hates the jittery feeling that pushes through his own exhaustion because it is late. he narrows his eyes a tad at Sizhui's suggestion, at the way he sort of sways. he doesn't shrug his hand off, partly to support him without actually showing it or offering it under the guise of Sizhui obviously attempting to... baby him? take care of him?
it doesn't help the jittery feeling at all, but he's not about to drag Sizhui around the compound when it's this close to nine pm and he looks like he's about to drop. ]
[staying where they are is a good option, too. the main reason he'd suggested walking was to help with the jitters; some movement, no matter how slight, could've been good for him after sitting all day. lying down wouldn't be the worst option, either. jin ling scrutinizes him, sizhui's expression holds steady, unwavering from the calm and collected facade he's carefully holding together. just nevermind the fact he looks like his knees might give out at any time, it's fine, at least he's not listing.
he does eventually have to look away though, casts his gaze downward before jin ling ends up noticing the bleary look in his eyes.] Mmn, [is the noise of agreement he initially offers then he tucks his sword underneath his arm, reaches into his robes and produces three prewrapped ginger drops.]
It isn't much... but even just one should help any leftover ailments.
[ he hold his eyes for a moment until the other looks away and procures the reason for his visit. ]
Oh.
[ he looks down at the candies, eyes a little wide and mechanically brings a hand up to accept them, feeling a little floaty with the slight warm feeling in his chest. then he looks back up at Sizhui, furrowing his brows, because seriously. ]
You look like your going to pass out. Did you really decided to come here this late, just to give me a couple of candies?
[ instead of saying thank you, he starts berating him instead. good job, Jin Ling. ]
[it's odd, standing there with his palm upturned, offering the jin sect leader candy of all things, but it's not a bad sensation, just... different in a way he can't explain. sort of like the heat spreading throughout his own midsection he's trying so desperately to ignore, especially when they're standing this close.]
I'm alright. Could we maybe sit down, though? And no, I didn't just come to give you the candy. [sizhui came because he was worried, wanted to see for himself what sort of condition his friend was in.
(don't worry, jin ling, you're doing great, sweetie!) he takes the reprimanding in stride nonetheless, raises his hand to gesture toward the bed, second-guesses, almost motions to the desk instead, comes up short then as well—
so, lan yuan squeezes his eyes shut, wrinkles his nose then reopens them and directs back to jin ling, hoping he'll make the decision for them. wherever feels more appropriate will do fine.]
[ to be honest, Jin Ling still doesn't feel like he's a sect leader yet. the shoes to fill seems to get bigger and bigger and he's doing his best to not stumble in the dark.
it takes him another couple of moments to take a step back from Sizhui, put some distance between them, inhaling on a measured, stuttering breath. masking it as tiredness is fine, right? he's tired. exhausted even, but Sizhui doesn't need to know that, doesn't need the worry.
so Jin Ling focuses on him instead, even though he almost misses Sizhui's question in lieu of his mind wandering. ]
Not just the candy?
[ he sees the other consider the different spots in his room and oh. Jin Ling raises his arm to... what? he's hovering as Sizhui closes his eyes in apparent vague distress and he hesitates, before he grabs his friend's wrist. ]
Come on, before you topple over.
[ and tugs him towards the bed and turning him around so he can sit. ]
Did you rush here? What were you thinking?
Edited 2020-07-10 09:36 (UTC)
this is a no judgement zone!! typos happen, english is hard, etc etc
[becoming well-versed in the ways of sect leadership isn't something that will happen overnight; it's been a couple years now, sure, but jin ling has been doing it competently the whole time in sizhui's opinion.
although what does he know about being a sect leader while he's still technically training underneath hanguang-jun? or ‘his excellency,’ rather. wait, does that mean— “not just the candy?”
—oh, apparently his own thoughts had been derailed a moment there, too.]
I came to, ah, [but he hesitates as jin ling lifts his arm, eyebrows arching with both curiosity and interest; what's his next move? taking sizhui's wrist, it would seem, and he doesn't hesitate to follow whenever he's chided again – which makes him bite his cheek to hide a smile – then lead toward the bed.
what's unexpected is his friend bodily helping him sit down. that makes his eyes widen somewhat, though he softens almost right away at jin ling's question. sizhui's head dips, he sets his sword aside, laces his fingers together in his lap.
and finally, he admits just underneath his breath,] I was thinking about you, about if you... if you were okay or not.
[ he'd take that as a compliment and silently preen with it, really. he frowns a little at Sizhui's apparent drifting attention, a clear sign that he's as tired as he should be.
as soon as he has his friend sitting down, he realizes with a pang that he doesn't know what to do, flounders a little, tries not to trail his eyes after the way Sizhui bends his head, smiles vaguely, even as he settles there. oh... wait he's settling on his bed. that's. an odd feeling and he's not sure he knows what to do with it, so he swallows it down in time to hear what the other says, almost whispers. ]
You... what?
[ he can't help but flush red, feel the warmth spread across his cheeks and he's thankful that Sizhui isn't looking at him at the moment, because he suddenly feels the embarrassment and warmth form goosebumps across his skin. he crosses his arms and turns away to hide his fluster, moving back to his table, trying to school the red down as he settles behind it. ]
...I'm fine, you can see I'm fine. I bet Jingyi is worse off than me, isn't he? [ he's babbling, he knows that, and his voice drops a bit of volume and he tries not to mumble. ] But thanks, I guess. For... mm. The candies. It's... it's appreciated.
[for whatever it may be worth, the lan disciple doesn't notice his struggling too much, taking into account he's finding it more and more difficult to lift his head— and wow, when did his hands get so interesting? he doesn't remember, but eventually, he does manage an upward glance, just long enough to momentarily see jin ling's expression. hm, he doesn't look outright appalled by what's been said, though the way he all but whispers is rather telling.
sizhui lowers his gaze again, disentangles his hands and lifts one to rest over his chest, pressing against it tight like that might keep his heart from bursting through his ribcage. should he have worded it differently? perhaps something with additional eloquence would've proved more proper, he'll later blame his clumsiness on the exhaustion.
he tilts his head back up after jin ling crosses his arms, opening his mouth as if to protest, although the other male is already making his way back toward the table. instinctively, sizhui's hands lower, palms bracing on the edge of the bed like he might move to push himself upright and follow. except when he remembers how discombobulated he was while on his feet a few moments ago, he second-guesses, clenches his fingers around the bedsheets a long moment then exhales a slow, measured sigh before letting go.
of course he can see his friend is fine, that doesn't make him any less worried for his well-being!]
Jingyi always goes overboard and regrets it later, you know that. What would make anything different now? [despite his being tired, sizhui sounds genuine when he asks and definitely can't help the small approving hum toward jin ling's gratitude.] You're welcome... I do hope they help.
[ he shuffles his papers around without actually looking at them. god damn it Jin Ling, what's wrong with you? it's just Sizhui, there's no reason to be nervous around him. it's your best friend, remember?
maybe the headache is really just messing with him, this anxiousness really only the nausea he's left with since last night, surely that's it, and he tries to swallow the way his heart is trying to climb into his throat because it's definitely not comfortable.
it takes a few more moments before he's effectively made a bigger mess of his table and he just abandons that in favour of glancing up at his companion, in time to meet his eyes. his cheeks flush without his consent because who allowed Sizhui to look like that, picture perfect and cute even when he's tired and wow okay. no.
screech and halt, wow. stop, brain. he purses his lips and quickly looks down, reaches up to brush the flush of his cheeks but instead leans his forehead against his fingers. ]
No, it's... [ what? why did he bring up Jingyi anyway, just to fill the silence? ] Thank you, Sizhui.
[rustling papers hold sizhui's attention, give him something mindless to focus on during his momentary consideration: had he embarrassed jin ling coming here? by showing him the slightest hint of possible affection—
now hold on, that may not be the proper word! it's definitely the right one, no doubt about that, you just don't want to admit that because what if he doesn't feel the same way?
well, at least the other boy won't need to feel too self-conscious since sizhui is quite certain his cheeks are abruptly pink despite doing everything within his power to will the blush away. jin ling breaks eye-contact first and his own gaze lowers, both hands raising then dropping atop his thighs with a soft, yet still audible smack.]
We're friends, Jin Ling. It's the least I could do and I know you'd do the same. [or in his own sort of way? also, here's hoping jin ling won't mind if he just. slowly lets himself tumble backward across his bed like it's no big deal. easily the worst idea when he's already lightheaded but being laid down means he's stabilized, that he can close his eyes while doing some slow diaphragm-based breathing and trying to gather his bearings.]
[ affection is embarrassing, okay? and he'd least of all expect it being directed at himself. gods, he's turning into his uncle and he's well aware of that. that's... a sad thought. (sorry, uncle).
Sizhui is just kind, that's his default state of being. he's always been kind to his friends, he'd do the same for Jingyi or Zizhen, or any other person, really. him coming over to you this close to the night isn't special, Jin Ling, get a grip.
he doesn't jump at the smack, but he does look back up, brows furrowing a little. ah... yes, there's the confirmation of Sizhui's pure and respectable kindness. that's all there is, friendly kindness. he mentally smacks himself and decides to stuff any other potential feeling he is (absolutely not!) having in a box, lock it with fifty padlocks and bury it so far back into his mind he won't find it again. surely that's the safest way to do it.
...so why does his cheeks still heat a little as Sizhui makes his bed a resting place. Jin Ling doesn't mind, but now he's also rooted to the spot, because Sizhui is on his bed, laying down. this shouldn't even be an issue. this is what friends do... right? it's normal. he clears his throat, feeling it twinge a little with uncomfortable tightness and tries to relax his shoulders. ]
Of course I would. Because we're friends. ... do you need to sleep? You should sleep.
[ the words are out his mouth before he can stop them and he's not going to take them back now. ]
[yes, he knows, that's why he isn't making a big deal out of it. or is trying not to, anyway? (jin ling, please, don't become your uncle when it comes to receiving affection . . .)
he's kind and would do the same thing for them, but he did this for jin ling because— because why? if he'd do the same for his other friends, what makes visiting jin ling tonight different? he doesn't honestly have an answer.
the next breath he inhales is a little sharper than he means, though it's alright. sizhui simply holds it, loosens his hands where he'd crossed them over his stomach and reaches with the left one to clutch his ribs like he might sincerely have an injury of some sort. he doesn't, it's just an excuse for why he sounded that way. “do not tell lies,” and “abstain from anything that feels wrong,” both dart across his thoughts at the same time. it won't totally be a lie.
sizhui's face hasn't gotten any less redder, by the way! in fact, after having laid himself out, his cheeks are heating with the realization that one: he's lying in jin ling's bed, and two: jin ling seems okay with this, even takes it a step further by asking if he should sleep then correcting himself and saying more intently.]
It isn't nine yet.
Besides, Jin Ling, [except he hesitates, mouth going impossibly dry, a lump forming in his throat soon after. you can't say that, you can't— the hand on his side skims to his chest, presses while he swallows, tongue darting over his lips before he breathlessly murmurs,] You should, too.
[ he can't help it that's how he was raised! not that he doesn't want the affection, he really does, but he doesn't know what to do with it when he is on the receiving end so it just ends up failing. who'd want that? ]
You still have to keep that schedule even if you'd want to go to bed earlier? That's dumb.
[ he frowns even more at the way Sizhui is clutching at his chest, breath momentarily sharp and ragged (Sizhui wtf?) because from an outside point of view it kind of looks concerning. but Sizhui would say if he felt bad, wouldn't he? wouldn't he? suddenly he's unsure what to do because somehow it looks like the other Junior is half dying in his bed and that's not quite the feeling he wanted washing over him.
but it doesn't stop Jin Ling from getting up again, concern flickering over his face as he takes a hesitant step towards the bed. ]
[one has to make mistakes to learn from them, is an oddly appropriate thing in that sense. nevertheless, lan sizhui understands, given some of his own more reserved, taciturn affection. what he received, he still took and made his own; he's politely affectionate with his friends, yet hasn't considered or had the courage to act on anything else.
until jin ling, that is, and lying here in his private quarters – in his bed (because yes, it's still on his mind!) – he's starting to wonder how long he'll continue keeping quiet tonight.
it is kind of dumb when he thinks: if sizhui wanted to, he could very well retire to his room for sleep at whatever time after dinner and surely no one would question it. the problem with that is there's usually so much else to do, he doesn't have time to waste on sleeping early whenever he could practice guqin, read or visit the rabbits and lil apple in the back mountain! or worry his best friend far more than he ever should by fibbing his way through a little (harmless) white lie.]
It's okay, I just. Moved too quickly earlier in the day and twisted something.
[goodness, he's playing it up well, pushing his fingertips into his sternum and even lifting his other hand to dismissively wave. do you know what else pain is a good excuse for, though? getting someone to move closer.] Probably a contusion of some sort.
[ he comes to a stop a foot from the bed, hovering while trying to make it look like he isn't. he's still not sure what to do with the weird somersaults his heart is making at seeing Sizhui sprawled out on his bed, so he tries to push that back in favour of trying to speak with a relatively calm voice. (everything is relative). maybe he's having a slight panic attack... that would explain the heart palpitations, and it's not like it'd be the first time it's happened.
though it's different, tight and kind of fluttery in his chest and wow he takes a quiet breath. ]
Twisted something? You? You're not an old man, how can you— actually forget that. Just... do you need anything?
[ and wow, don't tell anyone you lied, Lan Sizhui. that's so brazen, breaking a sect rule like that. not that Jin Ling would care, he'd rather just be surprised that it'd be you and not Jingyi who'd dare to fib. isn't that like the most known Lan rule there is? ]
[ah... it's just out of arms reach that he moves and he didn't want to have to move since he is still a bit lightheaded, but jin ling asking if he needs anything is a terrific open-ended offer. don't worry, he won't tell anyone he lied (except for his friend later, technically) and so long as it stays between them, what's the harm? besides, what sizhui's about to do will be far more questionable than him simply breaking lan clan's rule of ‘no telling lies.’
if the lying would've been considered bold and shameless, god only knows what his next move can be called.]
Jin Ling, [comes through an exasperated, albeit fond-sounding sigh then sizhui rolls, stretches an arm out and cinches his fingers around the other boy's wrist.] I need you to sit down and do some deep-breathing with me.
[come now, jin ling, where else did he learn such a terrible habit? jingyi's good at breaking (or ‘bending,’ as their friend would insist) the rules, so best to learn from a master and know exactly how to word things proper-like for a convincing lie. let's not get into the way it'll help him bluff his way through the next remark, either.] Because if you worry any harder, you'll fall through the floor.
[ he blinks at the grab, confused for a split second, eyes darting to the hold Sizhui has on his wrist and then back to his face, mouth opening to protest, heart hammering in his chest. it's officially hard to breathe, what the fuck. ]
What? I...
[ oh. of course Sizhui would notice his anxiety. if that's what it is, leastwise. he's not sure right now, but it does feel like it. he quickly tries to school his face into a put off face that honestly looks more like a pout. ] ... fine. If that's what you need. [ and it only takes him a moment to simply comply, take one more step and just sit down with a huff, crossing his arms and looking away. ]
I don't need to breathe, I'm fine. I'm not worried.
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houseofsushi2020-05-22 10:34 pm
no subject
he takes a couple minutes before he replies. ]
Okay.
no subject
meanwhile, he doesn't miss a beat:] It might take a little bit.
But I'll be there, okay?
no subject
It's fine. You don't need to reassure me, I'm not a child.
[ it's not like he's dying. ]
text → action;
by the time he reaches lanling from guangling, the sun has sunk low on the horizon; stunning pinks and reds are scattered across the sky as he greets the guards at the gate. purples and blues are what follow the whole way to jin ling's room, his pace quickening each time he gets past other sect members. some greet him, sizhui at least has the courteous to return the gesture then makes a soft excuse about being in a hurry. it's out of sheer luck, he makes it there as fast as he does.
sizhui hesitates outside the bedroom door anyhow, clenching his fingers around his sword, pinching the small candies against his palm, taking a deep breath in and sighing it back out before he finally reaches to knock.]
Jin Ling? [or does he call him by his more proper name now? he isn't sure but—] It's me, Lan Sizhui.
[...just in case.]
Re: text → action;
so when there's a knock on his door and the sound of the familiar voice through it, Jin Ling startles, wavers and stares at the door for a moment before he remembers himself, and, halfway out of his chair, replies. ]
A-ah... it's open, come in.
[ of course he knows it's Sizhui. no one in Carp Tower calls him by his birth name, wouldn't dare take the name in their mouth. ]
no subject
being given the go-ahead and after tucking the candies away in his robes, he opens the door, gracefully steps through then shuts it again behind himself.
he hadn't greeted him with ‘jin-zongzhu’ or ‘sect leader’ but sizhui does circle his arms around in front of himself, both hands around his sword while he bends forward into a bow.] Hello, [comes the more proper acknowledgement, followed by an immediate,] I'm sorry, it's later than I expected. I hope I didn't disturb you.
[from where he's standing, it doesn't seem as if jin ling might've been dozing. however, the lan disciple hasn't exactly made any attempt at moving closer to get a better look (yet).]
no subject
Sizhui looks tired, and who wouldn't be, traveling that far in such little time. Jin Ling's eyes widens at the bow, that's... wrong, coming from Sizhui, though he knows its customary. they're not in an official setting now, though, just the two of them in Jin Ling's... private quarters. he stuffs that thought to the side for his own bow in return before he can remember himself and then he frowns, moving around the table to stand in front of Sizhui, hands hovering awkwardly at his sides for a moment before he hesitantly moves to push Sizhui's arms up. ]
Sizhui— Stop. Don't do that. Bowing.
[ he sighs a little, feeling the itch in his bones after having sat down all day. his desk is still covered in papers, the pile not feeling much smaller than it was a couple of hours ago. ]
no subject
he's definitely weary, shown in the way he doesn't quite straighten all the way after jin ling approaches and reaches for his arms to help him back upright. sizhui blinks, eyelashes fluttering too slowly for it to be mistaken for anything except fatigue, but he squares his shoulders, lowers his arms just enough so they aren't standing there awkwardly with jin ling holding them. the instinctive thing to do is apologize a second time, though his lips press together thoughtfully while he studies the nearby desk.]
I'll remember. [a beat of silence] For next time.
[then his attention redirects to jin ling, he shifts an arm and gingerly takes ahold of the other teen's elbow. sizhui's observant enough, it's nothing for him to offer,] Would you like— [maybe don't ask to help yet?] —to talk a walk?
no subject
it doesn't help the jittery feeling at all, but he's not about to drag Sizhui around the compound when it's this close to nine pm and he looks like he's about to drop. ]
Actually, can we just stay here?
no subject
he does eventually have to look away though, casts his gaze downward before jin ling ends up noticing the bleary look in his eyes.] Mmn, [is the noise of agreement he initially offers then he tucks his sword underneath his arm, reaches into his robes and produces three prewrapped ginger drops.]
It isn't much... but even just one should help any leftover ailments.
no subject
Oh.
[ he looks down at the candies, eyes a little wide and mechanically brings a hand up to accept them, feeling a little floaty with the slight warm feeling in his chest. then he looks back up at Sizhui, furrowing his brows, because seriously. ]
You look like your going to pass out. Did you really decided to come here this late, just to give me a couple of candies?
[ instead of saying thank you, he starts berating him instead. good job, Jin Ling. ]
no subject
I'm alright. Could we maybe sit down, though? And no, I didn't just come to give you the candy. [sizhui came because he was worried, wanted to see for himself what sort of condition his friend was in.
(don't worry, jin ling, you're doing great, sweetie!) he takes the reprimanding in stride nonetheless, raises his hand to gesture toward the bed, second-guesses, almost motions to the desk instead, comes up short then as well—
so, lan yuan squeezes his eyes shut, wrinkles his nose then reopens them and directs back to jin ling, hoping he'll make the decision for them. wherever feels more appropriate will do fine.]
omg how did I not "you're"
it takes him another couple of moments to take a step back from Sizhui, put some distance between them, inhaling on a measured, stuttering breath. masking it as tiredness is fine, right? he's tired. exhausted even, but Sizhui doesn't need to know that, doesn't need the worry.
so Jin Ling focuses on him instead, even though he almost misses Sizhui's question in lieu of his mind wandering. ]
Not just the candy?
[ he sees the other consider the different spots in his room and oh. Jin Ling raises his arm to... what? he's hovering as Sizhui closes his eyes in apparent vague distress and he hesitates, before he grabs his friend's wrist. ]
Come on, before you topple over.
[ and tugs him towards the bed and turning him around so he can sit. ]
Did you rush here? What were you thinking?
this is a no judgement zone!! typos happen, english is hard, etc etc
although what does he know about being a sect leader while he's still technically training underneath hanguang-jun? or ‘his excellency,’ rather. wait, does that mean— “not just the candy?”
—oh, apparently his own thoughts had been derailed a moment there, too.]
I came to, ah, [but he hesitates as jin ling lifts his arm, eyebrows arching with both curiosity and interest; what's his next move? taking sizhui's wrist, it would seem, and he doesn't hesitate to follow whenever he's chided again – which makes him bite his cheek to hide a smile – then lead toward the bed.
what's unexpected is his friend bodily helping him sit down. that makes his eyes widen somewhat, though he softens almost right away at jin ling's question. sizhui's head dips, he sets his sword aside, laces his fingers together in his lap.
and finally, he admits just underneath his breath,] I was thinking about you, about if you... if you were okay or not.
[so that's a ‘yes’ on the rushing.]
no subject
as soon as he has his friend sitting down, he realizes with a pang that he doesn't know what to do, flounders a little, tries not to trail his eyes after the way Sizhui bends his head, smiles vaguely, even as he settles there. oh... wait he's settling on his bed. that's. an odd feeling and he's not sure he knows what to do with it, so he swallows it down in time to hear what the other says, almost whispers. ]
You... what?
[ he can't help but flush red, feel the warmth spread across his cheeks and he's thankful that Sizhui isn't looking at him at the moment, because he suddenly feels the embarrassment and warmth form goosebumps across his skin. he crosses his arms and turns away to hide his fluster, moving back to his table, trying to school the red down as he settles behind it. ]
...I'm fine, you can see I'm fine. I bet Jingyi is worse off than me, isn't he? [ he's babbling, he knows that, and his voice drops a bit of volume and he tries not to mumble. ] But thanks, I guess. For... mm. The candies. It's... it's appreciated.
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sizhui lowers his gaze again, disentangles his hands and lifts one to rest over his chest, pressing against it tight like that might keep his heart from bursting through his ribcage. should he have worded it differently? perhaps something with additional eloquence would've proved more proper, he'll later blame his clumsiness on the exhaustion.
he tilts his head back up after jin ling crosses his arms, opening his mouth as if to protest, although the other male is already making his way back toward the table. instinctively, sizhui's hands lower, palms bracing on the edge of the bed like he might move to push himself upright and follow. except when he remembers how discombobulated he was while on his feet a few moments ago, he second-guesses, clenches his fingers around the bedsheets a long moment then exhales a slow, measured sigh before letting go.
of course he can see his friend is fine, that doesn't make him any less worried for his well-being!]
Jingyi always goes overboard and regrets it later, you know that. What would make anything different now? [despite his being tired, sizhui sounds genuine when he asks and definitely can't help the small approving hum toward jin ling's gratitude.] You're welcome... I do hope they help.
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maybe the headache is really just messing with him, this anxiousness really only the nausea he's left with since last night, surely that's it, and he tries to swallow the way his heart is trying to climb into his throat because it's definitely not comfortable.
it takes a few more moments before he's effectively made a bigger mess of his table and he just abandons that in favour of glancing up at his companion, in time to meet his eyes. his cheeks flush without his consent because who allowed Sizhui to look like that, picture perfect and cute even when he's tired and wow okay. no.
screech and halt, wow. stop, brain. he purses his lips and quickly looks down, reaches up to brush the flush of his cheeks but instead leans his forehead against his fingers. ]
No, it's... [ what? why did he bring up Jingyi anyway, just to fill the silence? ] Thank you, Sizhui.
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now hold on, that may not be the proper word! it's definitely the right one, no doubt about that, you just don't want to admit that because what if he doesn't feel the same way?
well, at least the other boy won't need to feel too self-conscious since sizhui is quite certain his cheeks are abruptly pink despite doing everything within his power to will the blush away. jin ling breaks eye-contact first and his own gaze lowers, both hands raising then dropping atop his thighs with a soft, yet still audible smack.]
We're friends, Jin Ling. It's the least I could do and I know you'd do the same. [or in his own sort of way? also, here's hoping jin ling won't mind if he just. slowly lets himself tumble backward across his bed like it's no big deal. easily the worst idea when he's already lightheaded but being laid down means he's stabilized, that he can close his eyes while doing some slow diaphragm-based breathing and trying to gather his bearings.]
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Sizhui is just kind, that's his default state of being. he's always been kind to his friends, he'd do the same for Jingyi or Zizhen, or any other person, really. him coming over to you this close to the night isn't special, Jin Ling, get a grip.
he doesn't jump at the smack, but he does look back up, brows furrowing a little. ah... yes, there's the confirmation of Sizhui's pure and respectable kindness. that's all there is, friendly kindness. he mentally smacks himself and decides to stuff any other potential feeling he is (absolutely not!) having in a box, lock it with fifty padlocks and bury it so far back into his mind he won't find it again. surely that's the safest way to do it.
...so why does his cheeks still heat a little as Sizhui makes his bed a resting place. Jin Ling doesn't mind, but now he's also rooted to the spot, because Sizhui is on his bed, laying down. this shouldn't even be an issue. this is what friends do... right? it's normal. he clears his throat, feeling it twinge a little with uncomfortable tightness and tries to relax his shoulders. ]
Of course I would. Because we're friends. ... do you need to sleep? You should sleep.
[ the words are out his mouth before he can stop them and he's not going to take them back now. ]
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he's kind and would do the same thing for them, but he did this for jin ling because— because why? if he'd do the same for his other friends, what makes visiting jin ling tonight different? he doesn't honestly have an answer.
the next breath he inhales is a little sharper than he means, though it's alright. sizhui simply holds it, loosens his hands where he'd crossed them over his stomach and reaches with the left one to clutch his ribs like he might sincerely have an injury of some sort. he doesn't, it's just an excuse for why he sounded that way. “do not tell lies,” and “abstain from anything that feels wrong,” both dart across his thoughts at the same time. it won't totally be a lie.
sizhui's face hasn't gotten any less redder, by the way! in fact, after having laid himself out, his cheeks are heating with the realization that one: he's lying in jin ling's bed, and two: jin ling seems okay with this, even takes it a step further by asking if he should sleep then correcting himself and saying more intently.]
It isn't nine yet.
Besides, Jin Ling, [except he hesitates, mouth going impossibly dry, a lump forming in his throat soon after. you can't say that, you can't— the hand on his side skims to his chest, presses while he swallows, tongue darting over his lips before he breathlessly murmurs,] You should, too.
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You still have to keep that schedule even if you'd want to go to bed earlier? That's dumb.
[ he frowns even more at the way Sizhui is clutching at his chest, breath momentarily sharp and ragged (Sizhui wtf?) because from an outside point of view it kind of looks concerning. but Sizhui would say if he felt bad, wouldn't he? wouldn't he? suddenly he's unsure what to do because somehow it looks like the other Junior is half dying in his bed and that's not quite the feeling he wanted washing over him.
but it doesn't stop Jin Ling from getting up again, concern flickering over his face as he takes a hesitant step towards the bed. ]
Ah... h-hey— what's wrong? Are you hurt?
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until jin ling, that is, and lying here in his private quarters – in his bed (because yes, it's still on his mind!) – he's starting to wonder how long he'll continue keeping quiet tonight.
it is kind of dumb when he thinks: if sizhui wanted to, he could very well retire to his room for sleep at whatever time after dinner and surely no one would question it. the problem with that is there's usually so much else to do, he doesn't have time to waste on sleeping early whenever he could practice guqin, read or visit the rabbits and lil apple in the back mountain! or worry his best friend far more than he ever should by fibbing his way through a little (harmless) white lie.]
It's okay, I just. Moved too quickly earlier in the day and twisted something.
[goodness, he's playing it up well, pushing his fingertips into his sternum and even lifting his other hand to dismissively wave. do you know what else pain is a good excuse for, though? getting someone to move closer.] Probably a contusion of some sort.
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though it's different, tight and kind of fluttery in his chest and wow he takes a quiet breath. ]
Twisted something? You? You're not an old man, how can you— actually forget that. Just... do you need anything?
[ and wow, don't tell anyone you lied, Lan Sizhui. that's so brazen, breaking a sect rule like that. not that Jin Ling would care, he'd rather just be surprised that it'd be you and not Jingyi who'd dare to fib. isn't that like the most known Lan rule there is? ]
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if the lying would've been considered bold and shameless, god only knows what his next move can be called.]
Jin Ling, [comes through an exasperated, albeit fond-sounding sigh then sizhui rolls, stretches an arm out and cinches his fingers around the other boy's wrist.] I need you to sit down and do some deep-breathing with me.
[come now, jin ling, where else did he learn such a terrible habit? jingyi's good at breaking (or ‘bending,’ as their friend would insist) the rules, so best to learn from a master and know exactly how to word things proper-like for a convincing lie. let's not get into the way it'll help him bluff his way through the next remark, either.] Because if you worry any harder, you'll fall through the floor.
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What? I...
[ oh. of course Sizhui would notice his anxiety. if that's what it is, leastwise. he's not sure right now, but it does feel like it. he quickly tries to school his face into a put off face that honestly looks more like a pout. ] ... fine. If that's what you need. [ and it only takes him a moment to simply comply, take one more step and just sit down with a huff, crossing his arms and looking away. ]
I don't need to breathe, I'm fine. I'm not worried.
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